


The city of fear

by everythingispoetry



Series: If die, only in Manhattan [6]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cancer, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Issues, M/M, Missions, Near Death Experience, Secret Identity, Terminal Illnesses, Tony Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-01
Updated: 2013-05-01
Packaged: 2017-12-09 16:02:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/776075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everythingispoetry/pseuds/everythingispoetry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>‘Can we be friends?’ Steve asks when he takes a step back and looks at Iron Man with a small smile. Tony blinks a few times behind the faceplate, bewildered.</em><br/><em>‘Just like that?’</em><br/>Iron Man makes friends - and Nate does, too. Tony realizes that there are things in the world that even he can't understand and that some secrets can't be kept forever. And it's all because the world is in danger and saving it might require a bigger sacrifice than anyone was prepared for. </p><p>(part 6: March - June 2012)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The city of fear

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to thank so much everyone who commented or left kudos. You are the most awesome people ever :)
> 
> Music for this piece: [Patrick Watson - Fireweed](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGRV60jAfL0)
> 
> This is _still_ a fill for [ this avengerkink prompt](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/15292.html?thread=33895612#t33895612) asking for Tony with cancer. 
> 
> Tony's quote is, of course, from T. S. Eliot's _The hollow men_.
> 
> Beta-ed by [Quaxo](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Quaxo/pseuds/Quaxo). All remaining mistakes are mine.

On the first day of March, after Avengers’ meeting, Coulson asks Iron Man to stay.

‘We need you,’ he says, massaging his temples in his usual manner, reserved, from what Tony has gathered, only for a certain group of to-be-trusted people. ‘When Thor came here, we had a… situation. It was not really advertised, so I don’t know if you’ve heard about it,’ he makes a pause, looking up, and Iron Man inclines his head meaning _yes._ ‘Thought so. Around that time, an item was misplaced – well, lost – and we have finally determined the area where it seems to be, thanks to Doctor Banner. It’s in the middle of the Arctic, so we could use your help with retrieving it.’

‘What is it, exactly?’ Tony asks when JARVIS doesn’t give him any immediate answers; the files must be exceptionally well-protected or paper only, then. ‘And when will you need me?’

‘The teams are leaving tomorrow, but we won’t try the actual retrieval before Monday. I will give you info on that, as long as you agree to take part in the mission; it’s level seven clearance so I can’t brief you without upgrading your security level.’

‘Count me in, of course,’ Tony replies, already itching to find out what the whole thing is about _exactly_. The last month and a half have been… nice, a complete change, he’s rested a lot between Iron Man’s scarce missions and trainings – and Nate’s work.

It takes full ten minutes for Coulson to have everything ready for the security update and just then Fury walks into the room, signs the slip of paper and leaves without a word, his black coat swirling around his calves the way no leather should.

‘These are the files,’ Coulson says, handing Iron Man a small USB drive. ‘You have information about the object, all mission details and coordinates for your arrival inside. If you have any questions –’

‘I will see you on Sunday training session,’ Iron Man cuts in, putting the drive into one of hidden spaces in the suit’s arm. Coulson’s eyes follow the movement of the mechanical fingers; he still seems quite mesmerized with the precision that Iron Man possesses despite being clad in metal. Tony thought the novelty would be gone by now, but it’s kind of sweet and flattering, so he doesn’t complain. ‘Is that all?’

‘Yes, you go now,’ Coulson replies and checks his watch. ‘Meeting in fifteen. Need to grab a coffee.’

‘You do that,’ Iron Man tells him, closes the conference room’s door behind them and turns left to go to the elevator with roof access. Coulson turns right.

 

 

Tony flies to his workshop to work on the suit, there are some upgrades that he needs to make. He has been working on making the repulsor light even less visible than it is now and he’s finally come up with a design that works, after month of trying. It’s been one of the main concerns while flying the suit away from battle grounds: even if the panels make it practically invisible, the repulsors might be kind of conspicuous – and he has finally managed to reduce the initial brightness by 90%, making it look more like the hot air that comes out of jets or rocket’s engines, making the air buzz, making everything look a bit blurry and kind of wavy. It’s one of the things he’s been working on most impatiently: when the upgrades are done, he will be able to fly the suit to and from his apartment and between places in the city without fearing too much about being spotted.

It takes him half of the night to replace the old repulsors with the new ones that he has prepared within the last week – and the other half of the night he spends on making the same kind of change in Mark V.

There are five suits ready to use at this point, even of if Iron Man, so far, has only been using two of them. Tony is incredibly proud of the newest design, though, still only half-assembled. Mark VII has all the features of the previous armor, but it’s all reinforced and hides several new additions, mostly weapons, the way that they are completely invisible. An element of surprise never hurts.

When he is done, in the morning, he drinks a huge cup of coffee and finally opens the files that Coulson has left for him on the drive, the screens immediately flickering to life and the whole room filled with a blue glow of – the Tesseract.

‘ _Fuck_ ,’ Tony breathes, staring at the too-familiar. ‘Fuck,’ he repeats strongly, going to the mini kitchen to make himself another coffee. ‘JARVIS, show me everything we’ve got on this from Howard’s archives that is not here.’

‘Comparing the databases, sir, it will be finished and ready to present in seven minutes.’

‘Perfect, J,’ Tony murmurs, pressing the buttons of the coffee maker automatically. ‘This is going to be such a mess,’ he adds to himself – and it will.

Of course, S.H.I.E.L.D. and Coulson don’t know who Iron Man is and don’t realize that Tony is fully aware that Howard was one of the founding members of the organization. They don’t know – wouldn’t know, even if they knew Tony was Tony, or something like that, it gets complicated – that he has access to all the files that have never been made public and he is one of the two people who even knows about their existence: it’s him and Scott. Just in case, because someone has to know.

Tony has heard so much about the Tesseract and Captain America, from Howard and from the other scientists working all around the globe to determine what might have really happened with Cap, that he doesn’t really think the file might contain a lot new information.

And Tesseract, even if not currently used by some genetically freaky psychos, probably won’t mean anything good. Tony is too much of a realist to believe otherwise.

‘Sir, the only new data that S.H.I.E.L.D.’s file contains is the approximate location of the cube that has been discovered by a team recently, and answers as to the origin of the item itself,’ JARVIS says finally, when Tony is stirring the brown sugar in his coffee, waiting for the lumps to dissolve.

6 a.m., Happy is going to wake up soon. Good that Tony can have JARVIS tell the man what is going on without any prompting, even. It’s starting to get bright; the dawn will soon be in full swing, even if Tony can only see that through an artificial window that takes up half of the wall; the workshop might be underground, but Tony took care of his comfort given how much time he can spend there on occasion.

‘Yes, J?’

‘Thor has informed SHIELD that the Tesseract is of Asgardian origin, and apparently has been lost for centuries. The Red Skull, with unknown extraterrestrial help, managed to harness a small percentage of the cube’s reported power. The Tesseract was lost when the Red Skull’s ship was crashed by Captain America.  The plane’s wreckage was not found until recently.”

 ‘What is it supposed to be, then? According to the Asgardians?’ Tony asks around the mug, feeling the pleasant warmth fill his body.

‘A source of unlimited energy, if used right. The energy can be used for various purposes, and that seems to be the main concern if it falls in the wrong hands.’

‘So we’re assuming S.H.I.E.L.D. is the good hands…’

‘Sir, there is another matter – there has been no study of the cube since Howard’s research and no one seems to know how to make the cube work, even if it really is found.’

‘They will be tampering with it,’ Tony deduces, shaking his head tiredly. ‘And unless they find some _really_ good scientists, it might end up badly – wait, wait, wait, is Banner on this?’

‘With Eric Selvig, the astrophysicist, sir.’

‘Well. Maybe they won’t make the Earth explode within a month then,’ Tony jokes – even if it’s only a half joke, since most of the good scientist seem to have bad ideas, too, and it might end up being pretty painful.

‘Show me on the holo map where it is exactly and calculate the estimated flight duration for Mark IV,’ Tony orders, getting up and going back to his desk where the data is displayed on multiple screens. ‘And I thought I would get some rest, these two weeks off…’ he sighs, puts a chewing gum into his mouth and goes back to work.

It’s six hours before he leaves the workplace, feeling a bit stiff and achy from sitting in one place for such a long time – he’s always been more of the hands-on man and not the analyze-data-for-hours type – but also satisfied; _everything_ that has ever been written about Tesseract is now in his head, memorized from the files and Howard’s research and some notes that were taken by S.H.I.E.L.D. from Hydra bases as soon as the organization starter working.

Secures serves, of course, but nothing is safe from JARVIS and Tony, so it takes them only half an hour to bypass the security measures and get access to the files.

‘I thought you said you were going to get some rest,’ Happy says as soon as he sees Tony walking into the apartment around 3 p.m., bearing a bag with burgers for late lunch or whatever the meal should be called.

‘I know I said I want some rest but you know me better than that,’ Tony counters, taking all the layers of clothes off himself; it’s always so warm inside. ‘Besides, it has passed already. Now I get a few days of feeling _normal_ – we’re sparring when we digest the food, okay?’

‘As you wish, boss,’ Happy agrees and takes the bag to the kitchen.

The radiation schedule for now is simple: two weeks in, three weeks out. Only the first session was shorter, so Tony is a week into the radiation-free period now. Just as Levy said, he is feeling much better than before the surgery; he has almost no stomach problems, the only three side effects he has to deal with now are easily manageable. Lack of appetite, he has JARVIS remind him the mealtimes and Happy make him actually eat, it’s not too bad. Tiredness, that he’s grown so fucking used to; it’s nice that it passes after a few days and he gets two out of three weeks feeling _good_. At least for now. The marks from the beam are least of a problem: it’s just some redness and swelling, but it doesn’t even hurt.

Not so bad for now, Tony has decided.

‘Scott is coming over in more or less a week,’ Tony reminds Happy when he finishes his burger.

‘I know, boss. JARVIS will remember to have the guest room ready for him, surely – have you thought when you are going to –’

‘Not that again, baby,’ Tony cuts in, sighing. Happy makes a face.

‘You need to tell them. You are miserable.’

‘I am actually very satisfied with how everything is turning out,’ Tony counters and the words are perfectly honest. He has been doing a great job at somehow managing to make Nate Rives’ life much less disappointing that Tony Stark’s; he even has a meeting with Riverside in his schedule. Not sure how it will work – given that Nate doesn’t _speak_ – but he is excited anyway. It’s all so – so easy.

‘You are miserable,’ Happy insists. He is right, too, Tony admits to himself. He misses both Pepper and Rhodey so fucking much, it’s just that Tony Stark’s disappearance is still kind of hot news and he can’t afford to do anything that would make the world suspicious – and, okay, he has to admit that he is just anxious about their reactions, even if he knows they will forgive him at some point.

Ah. Things will be much less complicated then, but thinking about _how_ to tell them makes Tony cringe.

‘Less than before –’ Tony argues, just out of habit

‘It’s not something you can compare like that,’ Happy replies. Tony keep silent because now the man really is right. ‘The repulsors done?’

‘Done,’ Tony admits. ‘Now, all my attention to Mark VII. And Nate’s job.’

‘Something new there?’

‘Just finishing some projects,’ Tony says and gets up. He leaves the dishes on the table for one of the bots to clean up – he doesn’t want them to be away from the house, so all the time he spends in his workshop in the other building, they do nothing more than some mundane tasks impossible to fuck up without supervision. And Tony knows they miss being busier and miss _him_ , as much as they can miss something with the codes they have.

Tony has been taking programming jobs as Nate for ages now, but since all Tony Stark activities are out of picture, he’s got some more time and he’s been doing some projects as a volunteer, the best services free of charge; he knows there are many people who want to hire him based on what he’s done, but he doesn’t feel like that at all now. Just projects. Better for everyone, probably.

He has also started a… collaboration of sorts, with a few scientists who are trying to develop an artificial intelligence for medical purposes, and it’s something Tony’s been familiar with recently so he decided to give them a hand. Since JARVIS has been Tony’s big secret – there are very few people who know what exactly the A.I. can do, most of the world thinks it’s just a greeting-weather-interactive search engine kind of thing. JARVIS is _so, so_ _much_ more. It’s only better that no one knows that, one less problem he will have to take care about… later. So that JARVIS won’t be left alone and won’t have to deal with any potential problems.

Both him and Tony know perfectly well what humanity would think about him. JARVIS is happy to be Tony’s special thing.

The jobs are exciting and different from anything that Tony Stark has ever done – as an engineer, a physicist. Everything is so much smaller than SI and yet hundred times more rewarding.

 

 

Avengers’ Sunday training is similar to the previous two, even if they are all slowly starting to learn to trust and rely on each other and the moves as a team are much smoother and easier. They _are_ geniuses in their superhero work – even the Hulk, in his own way. It might seem strange – as they are completely different people who see each other rarely, save the trio that lives in S.H.I.E.L.D. quarters – that it’s so natural and easy, but Tony thinks the great deal of that is Coulson’s involvement. The man is a brilliant strategist, but more than that: he has an uncanny ability at reading and _getting_ people and it took him little time to learn to push each person’s buttons and motivate them the way that works best.

On Monday, Tony leaves at 0600 hrs as the flight, according to JARVIS, should take three hours, and the team would like Iron Man to be around 0900 at the base.

There are both Coulson and Fury are there with the team; it would assure Tony that it’s a very serious matter if he hasn’t been aware of that before. Everyone is in special thermal clothing and all that Tony can see of their faces is eyes and noses; it looks pretty funny. It’s good that no one can see him laughing inside the suit.

‘Iron Man, we will be taking a helicopter to the exact site of the extraction. It should take us twenty five minutes to get there –’

‘I will leave with you and wait there. It’s a moment for me on high speed.’

‘Very well,’ Fury hums and gestures at the rest of the team – five people – to get into the machine and a moment later it takes off. Tony is up in the air within a second, flies past the helicopter and straight to the place he has coordinates for.

It looks like nothing but ice, ice and more ice, of course it does: the Tesseract is supposedly a bit below the surface – but yes. JARVIS starts to pick up energy signals and gamma radiation as soon a Tony lands, almost exactly above the cube.

He manages to melt two meters of the ice before the helicopter comes in sight; four more to go. Tony fancies he can see a blue glow, but it must be a trick of light; it’s scientifically impossible. It’s a nice illusion though.

‘You do that carefully,’ Fury snaps as soon as he gets onto the ground, the sweet person he is. Iron Man nods and continues his job, Tony decided it’s good that Fury doesn’t – didn’t have anything to do with Tony Stark, they would _hate_ each other. Like Stark and Coulson.

‘Wow, quit talking to yourself in third person, baby,’ Tony murmurs, his words never escaping the helmet. ‘Or maybe I shouldn’t,’ he muses and laughs lightly. ‘This is absurd. It’s like the least appropriate moment for this – fuck it. I was supposed not to talk to myself. I am talking to you, J, you hear me?’

‘Obviously, sir,’ the A.I. offers sounding a bit too amused for Tony’s liking. ‘In this situation it seems to be justified that you address to yourself in third person, sir, when you are talking about Tony Stark. Since you are not exactly him, at least not legally. At this point. From the world’s point of view.’

‘You’re not much help here, J,’ Tony mutters, but he is smiling. ‘Now, enough chit-chat, give me the numbers on this – where is the rest of the team?’ Tony asks, JARVIS obeys his words and offers him the data on the cube and the other members of the team who are apparently preparing the container for the cube, checking if everything is in place and noting is broken or malfunctioning. That’s all fucking important stuff.

‘Iron Man?’ Coulson asks, coming up to him. Tony can’t really see the man, but sensors are picking up his presence and JARVIS displays them in the corner of the HUD. Good thing that Tony can multitask and easily focus on a few different sets of information at the same time. ‘How long –’

‘I am halfway through,’ Tony replies, the metallic voice sounding somehow strange in the frozen air. ‘But the last half a meter, we’ll need to do it like we discussed. No more violent melting, or we might trigger something.’

‘Of course,’ Coulson agrees, looking down into a big hole that Tony has created and is currently hovering inside. ‘Impressive.’

Iron Man doesn’t react, just keeps melting the ice carefully and getting rid of the water simultaneously.

It is half an hour before he gets deep enough to stop. There is only half a meter of ice between him and the Tesseract now and he can definitely see the blue light, he can almost trace the cube’s perfect shape. It’s mesmerizing even from that far.

The rest of the ice must be carefully removed using simple tools and not heat, so it takes Tony and three S.H.I.E.L.D. agents in climbing gear – Tony could fly them up and down, no problem, but they don’t seem too eager to let him – another hour to finally break the last thin piece of ice and expose the Tesseract.

Tony takes a deep breath and thanks heavens for being in the suit, where JARVIS controls his movements, otherwise he would stumble back, as much as that is possible in a flying suit and in such a small space.

The color of the cube is the same, the same _exact_ color of Tony’s reactor and it probably doesn’t mean anything. But it’s _a bit_ unexpected. Tony hasn’t realized that it will be the same. It seems to mean something, Tony just has no idea what.

Or maybe he’s just imagining – well. No time for that.

He takes the cube delicately with is gloved hands, it’s surprisingly heavy, and flies up to hand it over to Coulson, who has the suitcase opened and waits by it with Fury. Tony places the cube inside carefully and the safety locks click closed simultaneously. Everything seems perfect.

The rest of the team gets out of the deep hole, the gear is quickly packed and within five minutes everyone is back in the helicopter and a moment later it takes off. Tony looks around, JARVIS scanning the area for anything they might have left – but there is nothing, S.H.I.E.L.D. is too good for such simple mistakes – so Tony takes off, too.

‘Can you fly me a bit around, baby? Give me a route on the HUD – since we are here, why shouldn’t we see a bit more of the ice?’ Tony tells JARVIS two minutes into the flight. He has to wait another twenty for the team to get to the base, at least. Boring. And he won’t be in the area for a long time.

Or maybe never. Ah.

‘Shall we make a circle around the base, sir? Calculated time, eighteen minutes, two minutes before the helicopter at the base.’

‘Sure, we’ll tell them we’re doing surveillance…’ Tony murmurs and turns to right, just like JARVIS shows him on the HUD.

Maybe it’s not the most fascinating of trips – there is ice, ice, snow, ice, it’s all white and lifeless and freezing, with an occasional mountain here and there – but the view is quite lovely, overall. Completely different from what Tony sees every day, obviously; the sky is a strong blue color, clear, with some orange and pink glow on west. The day is going to end soon.

Just as Tony is halfway through the lap he is doing, the suit’s sensors pick something up.

‘JARVIS?’ Tony asks worriedly, focusing on the information that is displayed on the HUD. ‘What the hell?’

‘The sensors have picked up a living object, sir, but the readings are unusual – that’s why it shows up, I have canceled out all the animals we’ve passed – we’d have to get closer to get better readings, sir. Do you want to?’

‘I think we _have_ to. I just hope it’s not some fucking aliens, I’ve seen enough X-files to know where this could be going,’ Tony snickers, but it’s rather nervous. He shouldn’t be nervous. If there were aliens in the area, S.H.I.E.L.D. surely would know…

‘Descending, sir – do you want to land near the place where the signals are coming from?’

‘Yeah, J, lets,’ Tony agrees and frowns, concentrating on the things the sensors are indicating. They don’t make much sense. Really…

The suit lands on the ice – looking perfectly innocent – and JARVIS immediately starts a more detailed scan, since he doesn’t have to command the suit’s flight and give Tony information straight away, and Tony calls Coulson at the same time.

‘I will be a few minutes late,’ he tells the man as soon as he picks up. ‘I’ve got something curious here, via my sensors. I will let you know when I know more – shouldn’t be more than a few minutes. I am seven minutes of flight away from the base, my speed.’

‘What is it?’ Coulson asks, sounding a bit worried – Tony has learned to notice that certain tone.

‘I don’t know yet. You have to wait,’ Tony replies and disconnects.

‘Sir, it seems to be a form of life approximately twelve meters under the ice surface, embedded in the ice, between two ice units. The ice around is a different structure, as if it much more recent than all of it around. There must have been a crevice there.’

‘What the hells is it, J?’ Tell me it’s not _aliens_ –’

‘Human form, sir. The shape is human, but I detect no heartbeat or any other activity. The data is difficult to collect through all the ice, but all I can find is that the body’s temperature on the surface is 35, and inside approximately 61 degrees.’

‘ _What the hell?_ ’ Tony asks loudly, staring at the data in front of his eyes.

This shouldn’t be possible. Whatever _this_ is supposed to be.

‘Coulson, I’ve got something here. It’s – it’s human. In the ice. Appears to be hibernated, but alive. Twelve meters under the surface.’

‘Fuck,’ the agent swears and Tony’s eyebrows go up. The first time he’s hears the man be anything but perfectly composed. There is a moment of silence before the agent responds. ‘We’ll give it a look in a few days, Iron Man. Now, the cube is the priority – we have to get it to the research facility and set everything up there. Whatever it is, in the ice, it can probably wait for a few more days.’

‘I will give you all the data when I am back,’ Tony assures the man, gives JARVIS a sign and taking off. That’s probably a must; the Tesseract really can’t be just left in the makeshift base in the middle of all the snow.

Back with the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, Iron Man gives Fury and Coulson a full report about the discovery, even if there isn’t much to say. Tony wishes he knew exactly who – what – the human under the snow is, but the ice makes it impossible to get a visual.

‘We will come back in a week,’ Fury decides. ‘Tesseract first. Are you up for a bit of discovery, Iron Man?’ he asks, turning his head to Tony and staring at him with his one good eye. Iron Man nods slightly. ‘Now, get me Mason on the line, I need him to get all the data and analyze it with his team,’ Fury snaps, turning around and stepping into the other room. Coulson dismisses Iron Man, thanking him for the help, and Tony goes back home.

Three hours. JARVIS plays him some music from _when we’re flying for too long for our own good_ playlist, but Tony’s thoughts are completely somewhere else.

What human being could be _living_ , buried inside an ice mountain?

 

 

The next few days pass lazily and nicely. The weather is getting better, with more sun and pleasant temperatures – still nowhere near Malibu, but Tony doesn’t want to complain much – and somehow, it makes him feel better. Mostly the sun, and the days that are getting longer and longer. It’s so great to cut down the use of artificial light, especially when Tony gets enough of that when he is in his underground workshop.

Scott  comes over on Saturday. Happy goes to pick him up from the airport when Tony stays in the house and makes some food; there will be enough time for takeouts later. He knows Scott will appreciate it a lot.

‘You’ve lost weight _again_ ,’ Scott says before he even walks into the apartment, as soon as he sees Tony across the corridor. Tony pouts.

‘I don’t like you,’ he says, letting the man in. Happy closes the door and a second later, when Scott’s luggage is set down on the floor, he hugs Tony tightly.

‘Ouch, I can feel your bones hurting me,’ Scott states and Tony pouts some more. He knows he’s lost a few pounds, but he’s _far_ from being all bones. He’s been running and working out – not as much as before, and different kind of exercises, but hey, he’s _not_ skin and bones.

He will be, he knows, it’s inevitable that his digestive system will be fucked up. Just not yet.

 ‘Why do all of my friends have to be so bossy?’ Tony whines, pulling away to get a better look of Scott who looks exactly the same way he has for years. Maybe decades. British elegance. ‘I mean, Doc feeds me more supplements than a pregnant woman. Happy basically puts me to sleep whenever he can and fusses over me like a freaking grandmother. And now you, instead of enjoying New York, are going to coddle me like a baby? Annoooying,’ Tony sings songs.

 ‘Very well, _Nate_ , my boy. I am glad someone take care of you, because you are unable to do so.’

‘You are all mother hens,’ Tony murmurs, rolling his eyes.

They eat the dinner – soup and pasta, Tony is not the best cook in the universe, but he’s picked up some skills over the years – and when they are finished, there is a question of what to do. Scott has been in New York enough times to have visited all the touristy places and other interesting sights; it’s far from the reason of his little trip.

‘We don’t have to do anything, really, if you don’t feel up to it –’

‘Stop it right there,’ Tony cuts in firmly, shaking his head. ‘Okay, I know, you’re just looking out for me, blah blah, you want the best for me, blah blah, I get it. Thank you. But can we go and do something stupid now? You know I fucking need it. Pretending to be normal.’

‘Stupid thing, like?’

‘I don’t know? Shop at Wall-Mart?’ Tony asks, making a face, and Happy and Scott look at him questioningly. Tony shrugs. ‘Well, I’ve been picking up skills but it still sounds like a weird thing to do when you have been Tony Stark all your life?’

‘Point,’ Happy agrees.

‘Or we could run around naked or something,’ Tony adds pensively, but he already has a plan in his mind. Crossing off one more thing from this clichéd to-do-before-I-die list.

‘You’re supposed to be undercover, not trying to make people know you are Stark, _Nate_ ,’ Scott says with a perfectly straight face and it takes him full three seconds to burst out laughing. Tony and Happy join in and Tony is sure JARVIS would, too, if he did something as prosaic as laugh.

‘Okay,’ Tony says weakly when they are finally half-calmed down. ‘So the first idea was better. We are going to a supermarket, the biggest one we can find in the area, and we’re getting all Pop Tarts flavors they have. I want to try them all.’

‘You said you were not going to do all those silly things,’ Happy whines, but gets up from the sofa and grabs the keys from the table. ‘But I guess if you really insist…’

They do end up going back to the apartment with twelve different kinds of Pop Tarts and then they have a bad movie plus too many-sweets party. Scott is not the one to do these kind of things usually – he’s a perfectly normal, calm man – but around Tony’s vibrant self, well, a lot of unusual things are bound to happen. Or around Nate.

 

 

Scott stays for a week. Noting special happens in the meantime, really, not even Iron Man stuff. Fury calls Tony on Sunday to tell him that a trip to the arctic has been postponed due to really bad weather conditions there; he can’t risk sending his people there in such moment. They are supposed to go on Monday, 19th, what doesn’t make Tony too happy because he starts radiation on the same day. He probably could do three hours there and three hours back of flying ever afternoon, but that’s tiring.

Hopefully they won’t need Iron Man there _all_ the time.

On the last day, Saturday, there is kind-of-a-party with Tony, Happy, Doc, and Scott in attendance – JARVIS too, as always – and Tony figures it’s a bit absurd, having all the people that know all his secrets in one place. The only five beings that can connect the three remote dots. It’s like the most super-secret club ever.

There is pizza, New York style, and Tony eats as much as he can, fully aware that when the radiation starts, he won’t be feeling like eating _at all._

And they talk. A lot.

It’s sweet how everyone circles around the subject, never getting to the bottom of it, but Tony gets bored with the games after an hour or so. Somehow, they all seemed to be okay with the knowledge that Tony shared with them – _you know, I am gonna die quite soon_ – but when they are all together, they seem shy about it. Unsure.

Tony _hates_ being the most responsible being around. Save JARVIS, but JARVIS doesn’t count.

‘I hate it when you’re sulking like this,’ he tells them around midnight, when all of them are at least a bit tipsy. Nate might not have Stark’s famous home bar filled with the most expensive alcohols on the planet, but he does have some good stuff hidden for the rare moments when it does more good than bad to have some scotch. ‘I think I am past sulking, you know, I think I have been for at least a month. Please. Don’t make me feel bad, guys. I know that me having this fucking thing inside me is probably hurting you more, because well, I die and I’m done with everything and you stay here and you’ve got to deal with whatever _emotions_ you might have, and it’s gonna take you some time to forget I existed.’

‘What the hell are you talking about, Tony?’ Doc asks, leaning over the table to get a better view of Tony, hidden behind Happy’s bigger silhouette.

‘Not sure,’ Tony admits tiredly. ‘It’s just that –  don’t mind if you talk about me dying. If you fucking joke about me dying. I’m good with that.’

‘You can’t be good with that, boss,’ Happy counters, turning his head around to look at the older man, playing with the glass in his hands, something he’s picked up from Tony.

‘There is nothing we can –’

‘There is nothing but we’ll keep. Fucking. Looking. You _know_ this,’ Doc states firmly, setting his glass on the table with a thud. ‘Let’s dance.’

‘What?’ Tony asks, shaking his head and half-getting up from the sofa. ‘What, Doc?’

‘Well, since there are no girls and I’m not going to have sex with you, we need something else to have fun. You like dancing. You’re tipsy enough to be dancing and you’re not throwing up or fainting right now what might not last for too long.’

‘Well, if you put it like that,’ Tony agrees and gets up.

It ends up as one of the weirdest nights if Tony’s life – and that is, given his rather interesting past, as accomplishment – all recorded by JARVIS and put under a Very Secure File label by Tony as soon as he wakes up in the morning.

But it is fun, mindless fun. Silly but most relaxing few hours of the last… year and a half, probably, or more. Totally carefree because he knows if he fucking falls, there is someone there to catch him, there is someone behind to support him, few people but faithful people; it’s the greatest thing he could have wished for.

 

 

In the end, Coulson assures Tony that S.H.I.E.L.D. team will manage to do the whoever-extraction op by themselves – _we’ve done those things before, don’t worry_ – and he’s welcome to come by when they will be getting the person out of the ice and will finally know the answer to this crazy riddle.

Coulson and Fury surely have their suspicions, Tony knows, and he probably has the same one, but he can’t exactly share so he has to wait.

Tony is lucky: the team is getting to the bottom of the hole – literally – on Saturday, so he doesn’t have to rush from the hospital. The week hasn’t been so bad, all things considered; not much nausea and no vomiting. Probably because of all the pills Levy is feeding him, but it doesn’t matter much as long as Tony is feeling good. Nate finished a few projects, too, and he has started working on a few small things: JARVIS keeps finding him announcements of charities looking for IT help and he does as much as he can without contacting them in person. They usually don’t mind him working via email since he does it for free.

When Iron Man finally flies to the place where the team is working, he finds a mini-base around, guarded by S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, with guns and other weapons on hand, as if someone was about to randomly wander a few hundred miles into the ice.

Tony is almost sure who the person will be when he gets there and flies down the giant hole and sees traces of a special shade of blue and some red. Everyone around seems to be jumping around with excitement: Coulson told him what can they expect, Tony learns a few moments later.

It takes them two more hours to extract a block of ice in which the figure is embedded and transport it up to the surface with Iron Man’s help.

It is Captain America. _Of course_ it is. _Fuck_.

Tony is much less surprised that he should, he decides, and much more tired.

 

 

Iron Man gets to see Captain America sleeping, being slowly unfrozen, together with Coulson, Clint and Natasha – they have insisted he call them with their names, instead of code names, it feels a bit strange because he genuinely doesn’t have an appropriate name to offer – and Bruce and Spider Man are away, somewhere. They are always busy with their own affairs.

‘Just out of curiosity, do you have protocols for something like this?’ Tony asks as they stare at the man through the glass. The ice is almost gone, but he is still in the state of hibernation and the medical team will try to _wake him up_ slowly. It might take any length of time from a week to a month, the say; it’s unprecedented so the only thing they can do it guess.

‘We have protocols for time travel. We have rewritten them to match this case.’

‘So what do you do when he is awake?’

‘Well, the plan is, put him in a familiar environment and then break the news to him piece by piece –’

Tony scowls internally. Captain America is _not_ just a dumb poster boy like most people might think, he was actually a rather bright man. Tony has heard a fucking lot from Howard, like whole eposes, recited with passion. He probably knows more about Captain than any person alive – he just can’t explain that.

 ‘I don’t think it’s a good idea,’ he cuts in. It really isn’t. Rogers will see through the deception and regard them as the enemy, or hostilities at least. ‘I mean, he was a brilliant strategist. We all know that. Unless you plan is perfect and has not even a single flaw, this might work, but you won’t earn his trust. He is a soldier. I think he would appreciate honesty much more – and again, I am sure he would notice something is wrong if _anything_ was off. Can you be completely sure the deception is perfect?’

‘Why do you think that?’ Natasha asks. Clint and Coulson eye him curiously.

‘That’s what I would imagine I would feel like if I woke up in an unfamiliar place, with unfamiliar people around. The world has changed too much to make the game you want to play look casual and natural, and that’s what it would have to be like to fool him.’

‘I agree,’ Clint says, offering Iron Man a grin. ‘The man is right. He was a soldier. Died taking down fucking _HYDRA_. He will be looking for any flaws because Red Skull is one of the last things he will remember when he wakes up.’

 ‘All right,’ Coulson agrees, massaging his temples. ‘Okay. So we just what, tell him everything?’

‘He will wake up in medical. That should be enough for him to wait for explanations,’ Clint offers, eying Natasha meaningfully.

So, a story between them that Tony might or might not hear. Another story.

‘I will talk with Director. We still have some time,’ Coulson agrees in the end, and they stand silently, watching Captain, for a few more minutes.

 

 

A day after he finished radiation – exhausted like hell, but at least without the stomach acting up or something similar – Tony has a visit at Riverside Group Home. He’s been sending them money for half a year now and from the letters he got back, the resources were really used in a good way, mostly for renovating the place, since the building is rather old, and for supplies for the kids.

There are thirty, three of them toddlers, too young to have made him a Christmas card – he still has them totally on display in the living room and doesn’t plan at all to ever move them anywhere else.

For the last two months and a half Tony has practiced being Nate Rives and he’s proud to think he almost reached perfection – and not physically, even with the henna and some other funny things he has to do again and again, feeling like a teenage girl before prom, just like Scott said – but mentally. When he is in the house it’s easy: nothing really changes. It’s a familiar space where everyone is _safe_ and an insider and he can be himself.

But outside – he has to be more _Nate_. Obviously, he never speaks. Communication is ASL that he has known for a long time, and writing on a small tablet he’s constructed that he always has with himself.  The notebook thing is sweet, but too movie-like and impractical; JARVIS helps him type almost as fast as he would speak. Tony is quite sure JARVIS could communicate for him completely, since he’s analyzed Tony’s speech enough to know which word is likely to come after another.

People turn out to be very friendly and helpful and Tony smiles _a lot_ and hey, it’s even genuine. It’s far from Tony Stark’s public smiles.

And he can wear sneakers now, all the time. Pepper forbid him doing that somewhere at the beginning of their collaboration and he listened to her because she was _so_ serious about the shoe business. Nate wears Converse and Nike and he even has a pair of special limited edition Iron Man ones, produced over a year ago, when the whole superhero deal has started. 

He has to remember to change his mannerism, too: Tony gesticulates a lot, he is overbearing and makes his presence unconsciously obvious to everyone in the room, he emanates energy, inner strength and self-importance; most of it is an exaggerated behavior he grown used to so much that it’s been almost natural for decades. He _does_ like the attention, though, that much is true, otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to pull the game off for such a long time. Just, being Nate is – purifying. Easy. Tony doesn’t have to act at all, doesn’t have to wonder what others will think, doesn’t have to calculate. There are no paparazzi and no journalists and no nobody looking out for every mistake he makes. He can be the timid, brilliant, funny, and undeniably a bit insane man he’s always been, in the depth of his workshop, away from the world.

As for Tony Stark, the world is still crazy even though it’s been a few good weeks since Pepper has announced to the world that the man is missing.

 _Of course_ he left her a note, although it wasn’t exactly helpful, it said: _you’ve got enough projects to keep SI running for years, all on the hard drive, ask JARVIS, kisses for you, P._ Not his best, but it contained everything he needed her to know – and she deduced the rest. She knows him well enough to get what he would acts like.

Tony Stark has enough wit and resources to disappear from the surface of the earth, presumably to spend his time in a hidden mansion, equipped with alcohol, call-girls and similar stuff. People seem to be looking for him, even now, but it’s more of the force of habit than real hope. Well, besides Pepper and Rhodey. They might be still genuinely looking for him, even though they know they won’t find him if he doesn’t allow it. It’s cruel and Tony promises Happy every week he is going to tell them everything soon, but he _can’t_ define soon.

‘When it feels right and when the situation is stabilized enough,’ Tony tells Happy.

Happy asks what situation. Tony shrugs, each time, and never replies in words.

It is too soon and he is too much of a coward and knowing that the later the more difficult it will be, they don’t help him make the decision.

Soon, soon, soon, probably not really. Tony is managing to run away from it for now.

Happy has a whole giant box of newspapers and magazines about Tony Stark’s disappearance and all the jazz. They are very amusing, Tony has to agree, and mostly terribly exaggerated, calling him the worst person ever and sometimes the hero that has been forced by the media to run. Kind of true, even if they have the details all wrong.  JARVIS, as always, records all the TV broadcasts about Tony – it’s part of his usual job – but no one ever watches them. Tony wouldn’t be able to bear seeing Pepper almost crying on the screen.

No one is able to recognize her _almost crying_ but Tony and Rhodey and Happy, so she wouldn’t even have to act too much. Everyone praises her great job with SI, though, and it helps her to be herself a bit. Well, that Tony guesses, but he knows her as well as she knows him. And with _Stark_ gone, the media have been very positive towards Pepper, just like Tony has planned it, and SI stock is doing really great.

So when Tony leaves the apartment and get into the car, driving by himself – Levy has cleared him for that, no medal contraindications – it’s easy not to think about what has been happening even half a year ago. Nate is enjoying his life a whole fucking lot, against all odds.

Riverside director is waiting to greet Tony by the entrance, simile so wide that Tony decides his face must hurt from that.

‘Miles Gordon,’ he introduces himself, shaking Tony’s hand. ‘It’s so nice to finally meet you, Mister Rives.’

‘ _Call me Nate – and it’s a pleasure to be here,_ ’ Tony types. The man has been informed of Nate’s _disability_ and the form of communication before.

‘Then you must call me Miles. Let’s go inside,’ he adds, making space for Tony to walk into the building. There are two women, one older and one younger, waiting for him in the hall. ‘Miss Laura Carr,’ Miles introduces the older woman. ‘She is the heart of this place, if I may call myself a brain. And Miss Annik Hatten – she takes care of our youngest who are napping at the moment. There are three more of us, as you know, but they are in the common room with children, working on a project.’

‘ _It’s my pleasure to meet such beautiful ladies, Miss Carr, Miss Hatten,_ ’ Tony offers and bows slightly. They almost giggle like teenage girls. It’s sweet. Tony has learned that while as a Stark, bowing was regarded more a him being funny, as Nate, it is mostly regarded as a charming and _cute_. He laughs internally at that, but it’s nice to be called that without any… implications or expectations. ‘ _This place feels really warm, if I may_ ,’ he adds. The trio smiles.

‘We try,’ Miles replies, showing Tony the way to the common room.

The women and the rest of the staff – Tom, Joan and Cecile, all in their late twenties, it seems – insist he call them by their first names. He gladly agrees, it makes communication much easier and informal.

It takes about five minutes for him to feel at home and he knows there is no escape now.

The kids don’t mind him not speaking _at all_ and it so natural that he can’t help but feel all teary inside, and just a tiny bit on the outside. And they ask questions, endless questions, and it’s not nosy or intrusive, it’s just plain curiosity and happiness at meeting someone who _wants_ to come to them. Even the teenagers stay and listen, ask, interact. Tony has never has that much contact with teenagers, even when he was one, thanks to going to MIT when he was 14, but he would have expected them to be bored and disinterested. Or something. He is probably generalizing, but his perception of teenagers is – well, was, up to now – more of what he’s heard from the others than what he’s seen himself.

They are, of course, amused by his inability to remember their names. It is totally fake, he _does_ remember all the names, always, even all those models and journalists and the rest of the high society girls, he has just learned that pretending not to remember is highly amusing for both parties.

The teenagers, already in high school: Sam, Francesca, Milo, Rebecca, Austin; the middle school ones: Tiffany, Helena, Vico, Jamie, Marcel, Paul, Maddox. The primary school kids: Caleb, Evan, Skylar, Lucy, Leah, River, Mark, Isa, Sydney, Connor, Lana. The preschoolers:  Rosa, Eileen, Miah, Simon – and finally, the three famous toddlers: Lino, Leila and Mikayla.

See. Easy.

Tony spends three hours observing them playing, at some point forced to draw and glue things and paint, too – he tells Miles several times that no, he doesn’t mind getting dirty or leaving with paint on his trousers – and he completely forgets about the whole world outside. When Annik comes to tell the kids to get slowly prepared for dinner, it’s hard to believe that all the time has passed already. Tony doesn’t really have anything special to do today, but tomorrow is the 1st what mean the Avengers’ meeting _and_ training on the same day, so he knows he should leave and rest a bit after the two exhausting weeks. There is still a lot a lot of energy left in his body, it seems, but he knows himself well enough to expect an epic crash when he comes home – and passing the rest of the day on the sofa.

Not a bad plan, especially that Happy, playing a housekeeper, will surely be waiting with something he should eat even if he’s not hungry at all.

Before he leaves Riverside, though, he makes a deal with Miles and promises he will come every two weeks and more often if he will be able. He will make sure he _will_ be able.

 

 

‘For those who don’t know I have some S.H.I.E.L.D. news. We have found, thanks to Iron Man’s accidental trip away from where he was supposed to be, Captain America. Alive. Frozen in the ice. He’s being… brought back to life as we speak, at least that’s what we are hoping for,’ Coulson says on one breath as soon as everyone is in the room and Bruce closes the doors behind himself.

All the Avengers nod patiently and wait for an elaboration as Clint opens two bags of chips and puts them in the middle of the table, as always.

‘We would like him – if he is fit mentally and physically – to be part of the team. Opinions?’

There is a brief moment of silence as everyone seems to consider. Tony has a very set opinion about this, but Iron Man isn’t the one to volunteer to speak first; it’s easier to distance him from Tony Stark this way.

‘Do I get to be his sidekick?’ Spider Man asks first, grinning under the mask, and Clint covers laughter with a chuckle. ‘If yes, then yes. Well, if no, then still a yes.’ 

‘Well, I asked for professional opinion and you know it perfectly well, but if we are on this, you are aware that it would depend on his decision only, don’t you?’ Coulson asks unfazed, not even grinning. It’s just something he has to deal with every day, Tony knows, the reality of being Clint’s secret boyfriend.

‘I probably don’t know more than the comic book and urban legends, but that would be so freaking cool,’ Clint quips in before putting a handful of his favorite Cheetos into his mouth and gaining a disbelieving and resigned look from Coulson.

‘Given all data we have on him, he would be a great asset,’ Iron Man says. Natasha and Bruce only nod in agreement, though Bruce’s face is a bit ashen and he’s biting his lip like he always does when he is upset. Not really surprising.

‘Good. No objections – at least this one time,’ Coulson concludes and sits down. ‘Now, we’ve been receiving some strange energy readings in New Mexico…’ he starts and a story goes from there.

A story that, according to S.H.I.E.L.D., screams _aliens_. Or rather _Asgardians_ , as the readings are very similar to those registers when Thor came by the previous time. His supposed-to-be girlfriend is working for S.H.I.E.L.D. now, so she was the one to notice the changes first. So, apparently Thor is going to pay a visit, unless it’s some monsters from their realm what would be completely uncool.

No one has any idea _why_ Thor wants to come now, but maybe that is better: less worrying for now. There will be plenty of time to worry later, probably.

Coulson decides to take Hawkeye to the base near which the activity has been disrupted while the rest of them is supposed to be ready to come in anytime. Also, Tony gets to travel to Africa twice – there are still some illegal weapons in Southern region, so the mission is similar to those he’s had before: come in, blow the weapons up without hurting people, go away. S.H.I.E.L.D. is going to take care of everything else.

In a way, Tony would prefer there were no more missions like that, no more Stark Industries’ weapons all over the world – but there are and he’s kind of happy that he _can_ get rid of them. It’s just exciting. He has always been an adrenalin junkie.

Training goes as well as always, but this once, after it’s done, Bruce, already dressed in pants and a shirt, asks them to stay for a few moments, Coulson included.

‘I just thought,’ he says in his usual half shy, half decisive manner, smiling a bit awkwardly even after all those months of being part of the team, ‘that maybe we could get some meal together. I mean, team bonding and stuff. Since we have spent here most of the day here.’

Coulson rises both his eyebrows and the rest of the team looks at Bruce curiously.

‘Well?’ Bruce prompts, shifting his feet and blinking.

‘If I don’t have to pay, I’m in,’ Spider Man offers first, as always with a grin. Clint sighs theatrically, breaking the slightly tense silence.

‘Chinese or Thai or pizza, pretty please?’

Bruce nods as Natasha and Coulson declare their willingness to share a meal; nor surprising, given that they live in the building without a decent kitchen anyway.

‘You know I don’t eat in the suit,’ Iron Man states; it’s not that much of a loss, since he’s got some _great_ food back at home, ‘but I could stay.’

They smile. He does stay. Bruce seems even more thankful than he normally is, that nice beast. Tony loves it all.

 

 

Just three days later Coulson sends a message to Iron Man saying _You want to be here now_. Tony puts on the suit and gets to headquarters in eight minutes; he can guess all right what the uproar is about: Captain America is waking up. Slowly, swimming in and out of consciousness, but definitely waking up, and whole S.H.I.E.L.D. seems to be more of a bunch of fangirls than a professional secret government agency.

Forty three minutes after Tony gets there and two coffees for Coulson, one for everyone else but Bruce, and a lot of nervous talk later _Steve_ wakes up for real.

The whole crowd watching him is behind a new tech one way mirror that is impenetrable also to enhances senses; Tony has tested it himself. Well, Iron Man did.

Captain has been placed in a hospital room, in the end, and not a fake 40s room like the protocol said. Tony knew perfectly well from the beginning that some of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s protocols are completely useless.

Steve acts so – calm.

There are two doctors, Fury and Coulson in the medical room, hovering over his bed, and he blinks, looks around and asks them something. Tony can’t lip-read because Captain is at a strange angle and well, still on his back, but he can guess what the question is about, and Fury’s answer he can tell and it only confirms his guess:

 _We won_ , Fury says.

Captain closes his eyes for a moment and takes a few deeper breaths, then looks around again and speaks up.

Tony can guess some more: _where am I?_ , _what has happened?, how is…?_

It takes them about ten minutes to get to the bottom of it, and by that time most of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents returned to their work, leaving the hidden room to the Avengers minus Spider Man, and three other people from the medical staff.

‘ _You have been asleep for a long time, soldier_ ,’ Tony can read Fury speaking and a moment later one of the doctors clarifies: _seventy years_. Captain tenses and wriggles in the bed, but Coulson puts a hand on his shoulder to keep him down. Of course Captain could take all the men in the room down in a second, but he obeys and stops moving.

They tell him he needs to stay in medical for at least two more days and go through several tests of different kinds to determine if everything is fine with him, physically and mentally. Captain listens, nods, looks at them and looks away, and, in Tony’s opinion, does surprisingly well as for someone who has just been told such a crazy thing.

_You are in the future._

It will be a difficult moment of adjustment now, if you believe that adjustment is even possible, but it’s not like there has been someone before who could say.

Maybe Iron Man could help, despite being the epitome of 21st century in so many fucking ways but – Tony understands _not understanding the world anymore_. He has his few months of that, even if it was in a completely different way, but the core of the experience is always the same: you look at the people around you and you cannot understand what and why they are doing, even if it’s the smallest things.

You don’t know what _you_ are doing anymore; Tony has had a nice share of that, indeed.

It is three days before he meets Captain in person, though, it can only happen when the man is released out of medical. JARVIS is in S.H.I.E.L.D. systems so Tony has instant access to all the data that is uploaded on a file called _Rogers, Steve, code name Captain America_. It seems that, despite being frozen for like sixty eight years, Captain’s super-soldier-serum-injected body is acting as if nothing has happened and he is a more perfect physical state than 99,9% human beings on the planet, what is completely fascinating.

Captain is released and given his own quarters – _not_ furnished with pieces from 40s, but with normal modern equipment – and let out to the _real world_ , albeit restricted to S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ for now. Coulson asked him about the Avengers and Captain said yes straight away, but asked for some adjustment period, totally understandable. Coulson agreed, of course, Tony knows the man is such a fanboy that it’s almost funny, but he can’t even tease him about it. Fortunately there is Spider Man for that.

The Avenges have an emergency Sunday meeting but Iron Man gets to meet the man a day before, mostly by accident. He goes to Africa to one of his missions on Friday evening and Saturday afternoon he comes by to give Coulson a report – and Captain America is in the agent’s  room, wearing high-waist trousers and a plaid shirt and a sad face. Tony feels a strange compulsion to pat him like a puppy, just like some of the Riverside kids. Funny thing.

‘Iron Man,’ Coulson greets him and gestures at him to sit on the empty chair. ‘This is Captain America.’

‘Please, call me Steve, Mr. Iron Man,’ Captain says, extending his hand to shake Tony’s gloved one. He’s about the second person to ever try that, it’s so sweet. And – _mister._

‘I am sorry I can’t offer you my name, Steve, but please drop the _mister_ ,’ Tony offers, shaking the man’s hand, careful not to crush the bones in his hands, even if they would be healed in no time. ‘It’s a pleasure to meet you.’

‘Well, everyone keeps saying that, I can only hope I will not disappoint you,’ Steve replies with a tight smile and gets up. ‘I should go now –’

‘I didn’t want to interrupt,’ Iron Man says, even though Tony hoped to interrupt. ‘I just have this to give to Mister Agent here,’ he adds and puts the few pieces of paper on Coulson’s desk. ‘Mission report.’

‘We’re okay, Iron Man. You know when to come for briefing for the other trip. Now, shoo, I’ve got work to do, as _always_. Both of you,’ Coulson states, giving Iron Man a hard meaningful stare saying _don’t let him go_. Tony doesn’t plan on that, at least not for as long as he can talk with Captain without annoying the man too much. They end up in one of the training rooms, observing young agents and talking.

‘Your armor is more amazing than anything I have seen before,’ Steve tells him a few minutes into the conversation. ‘No tech that Howard has ever made was as amazing. I heard you can fly as gracefully as a ballerina,’ he adds with a smallest smirk. Tony grins underneath the faceplate, even though he’d rather not discuss Howard.

‘I have been told so, yes,’ he agrees. ‘Thank you.’

‘I heard you made it yourself,’ Steve adds, eying the armor curiously.

‘I did,’ Tony admits. ‘It was a hell of a job but what can a man do to be a superhero, you know?’

‘I know,’ Steve laughs and it sounds honest for the first time. It’s going to be okay, Tony decides. Captain America is going to do great adjusting, not only because he has no choice, but also because he really is an amazing human being. Tony almost cannot wait to be in a fight alongside the man.

They talk for maybe half an hour before Tony has to go; he has a meeting at Riverside scheduled for the afternoon and it’s 1300 hrs already.

‘I will see you tomorrow in a team meeting,’ Iron Man salutes Captain and flies away, leaving the man with his mouth almost hanging open. That’s so cute.

Nate ends up spending four hours with the kids, playing and talking and discussing a few things with Miles in the meantime. It’s just as amazing and exhausting as the first time, but so incredibly rewarding. Tony realizes he kind of regret he hasn’t been doing this all his life – that he hasn’t been able to do this all this life. Tony Stark simply didn’t have the time and the approach that Nate has: as if there was nothing in the world but him and the kids around, and they seem to totally feel that attitude and are wordlessly thankful.

It’s such a beautiful thing.

Tony lets himself think that and honestly, he doesn’t give a fuck about the whole world at this point. He doesn’t have time for caring too much.

 

 

The team meeting ends up to be 20% introductions and 80% discussing Tesseract. It’s kind of a spontaneous thing, Steve could probably get an appointment with Bruce and talk about the cube, but since it involves Iron Man, too, and very likely Thor – who hasn’t appeared yet, but there are still people monitoring the area in New Mexico and Clint with Coulson are going there again to check up on the situation again – it only seems fitting.

Captain is _very_ angry about S.H.I.E.L.D. experimenting on the Tesseract. Tony guesses he can understand: it’s the thing that was a HYDRA weapon and the very reason of a few quite dramatic events of Captain’s life – not to mention that yes, it could be such a destructive weapon. Even if S.H.I.E.L.D. is only trying to tap on its power now and use it as an energy source, who knows what could happen. Especially that even with the best scientists on the planet, they don’t know for sure what to do, how to act; there are no ready-made answers. Everything is an experiment and those are dangerous.

‘I only hope you are not going to regret this, Agent,’ Steve finishes and sits down, Coulson observing him closely.

‘Of course, Captain,’ he replies, sighing and massaging his temples the way he does when he is tired. ‘We are going to talk to a few people about writing a program for analyzing the Tesseract’s activity to understand it better, there is a team working on that, but what they came up with so far has not been completely satisfaction –’

‘I know someone,’ Iron Man cuts in before Tony manages to stop himself. All eyes are suddenly on him, because they keep forgetting that sometimes, when he is not wearing the suit, he is supposed to be a normal man, a normal person with a normal life and he _can_ know people. Well, even if that’s a bit of a lie on Tony’s side.

‘Someone?’

‘A programmer and kind of an IT genius. I could contact you with him. Nate Rives, maybe you have heard of him?’

‘He works on medical A.I.’s now, doesn’t he?’ Bruce asks, running a hand through his curly hair and offering Iron Man an almost apologetic smile. ‘I am interested in those things and his name came up one or twice…’

‘Yes, him,’ Tony agrees. This feels like a new level of surreal, but hey, Nate could really help S.H.I.E.L.D. where Iron Man cannot because of _reasons_. ‘We have known each other for a long time,’ Tony adds, looking at Coulson. Captain’s eyes jump from one person to another and he looks slightly confused. Of course he does.’

‘Well, I will look into it, but we would be grateful for a contact – just tell me honestly, can that man be trusted?’

‘I wouldn’t propose anything is he wasn’t,’ Iron Man replies earnestly, well, as earnestly as a synthetized voice can convey.

That is how on April 11th Nate Rives _himself_ ends up walking through HQ corridors and Tony does a great job pretending to be fascinated with the place he is supposed to be seeing for the first time in his life.

Coulson knows ASL. No one is surprised. Tony is only thankful because it makes the communication – maybe not much quicker, but definitely more fluent and natural. He says he gave a look at Nate’s work and it looks impressive for such a low-profile person. Nate smiles, or maybe laughs soundlessly, it’s always something in between, and says he enjoys the peace and quiet atmosphere and that it’s just one of the things that make him comfortable in the world.

It’s the same kind of lies that work on Pepper – Tony hates them, but they are necessary – mixing truth with some false information; there is no way someone will find out which part is a lie. They always believe. Coulson does, too, because Tony speaks the truth: he is enjoying himself much more now than in the spotlight. Of course Tony Stark would never say that, would never even think about saying that.

In the end, Coulson asks him to come over the next day – _if you can, of course_ – to meet with the team constructed of programmers and scientists working on the cube. Nate says that he has the time, no problem, and then they part.

Tony tries not to think what he will have to do when the world will need Iron Man and Nate at the same time: he is going to manage it somehow. He always does.

So the next day, after the meeting that lasted for _hours_ – with Nate typing and typing and typing, argh – Tony leaves the HQ and goes straight to his workshop, asks JARVIS to call Happy and tell the man that he won’t be coming for the night. Happy is annoyed with him, but it’s not like such behavior is so unusual; he only warns Tony that if he isn’t back in the apartment by noon, he is going to go there himself, feed him like a baby and tie him down to bed. Tony makes a mental note to _be_ on time, even if  Happy would only do half of those things.

The algorithms that Bruce and the two other scientists created are really good, perfect, but they are far from enough to track all of the cube’s activities and the other three guys have not been able to do a proper analysis of all the other data that the Tesseract – _is_ , it seems to emit so much power of different kinds, containing so much information, that the codes get tangled and far from efficient, but – _Nate_ can make it better.

Tony didn’t create the one and only really functioning A.I. for nothing.

So, him and JARVIS go to work and it’s _exhilarating_.

It takes Tony two more days – nights are civilly spent in bed, in the apartment, even if Tony is not getting much sleep – to finish the codes; now it only needs to be tested on the cube itself, but Tony is sure everything will work fine.

It does, Coulson texts him a few hours later. Nate cannot come because he’s too new and not even officially part of the organization – despite his priceless help and involvement – so he can’t get into a Security Level 7 facility.

Instead he is sitting in a room with Bruce and one of the programmers, staring at the giant screens where the data is displayed: everything works as it should. Nate has been proclaimed a genius, half-officially, and gained kind of a worship of the rest of the tech division of S.H.I.E.L.D., even though they have never really met in person. It’s nice. It’s the kind of attention he feels okay with.

‘You have been here all day – how about we get something to eat?’ Bruce asks Nate and Tony wonders how does that work, people being so nice to him. Even if it’s Bruce, someone he knows as Iron Man.

‘ _Yeah, sure_ ,’ Nate types. Bruce offers him a small smile and leads him to the mess and then Nate Rives meets Clint and Natasha.

He and Natasha are polite and pleasant, circling around each other; he and Clint kick off as perfectly as Tony and Clint would. Plus, Clint knows ASL, too, so the communication, again, is on a different level. Bruce and Natasha just raise eyebrows when the two man engage in a heated discussion about S.H.I.E.L.D., Clint insisting that Nate should work for them and Nate saying that he doesn’t want to because he doesn’t like people. Clint makes a face.

‘ _You should at least be a consultant, then, if you don’t want to work here normally_.’

‘ _Possible?’_

‘ _Coulson_ _knows_ ,’ Clint signs back, grinning. Of course, Coulson knows everything.

Being _employed_ a consultant doesn’t sound too bad, Tony decides. In fact, it would be perfect.

Coulson agrees and Nate Rives thanks him with such a pretty smile while Tony is kind of laughing inside, but only kind of: they are just letting him in now. Of course he has access to all their data and information anyway, but it’s nice to be invited.

Sharing time between Iron Man, Nate’s voluntary jobs, the S.H.I.E.L.D. one, Riverside, and Tony Stark’s post-mortem projects – it sounds like a good way to live his life.

 

 

The next few days pass quietly, Tony is calmly working on a new suit and a few upgrades to the old ones, as well as is writing an A.I. for the team he’s collaborating with – they are building a robot but it’s one of the medical things, so he doesn’t feel too bad about it not being him creating the bot – and he spends evenings with Happy and Doc sometimes, running and cooking and talking and even drinking, sometimes, _a bit_.

Iron Man goes for another mission, it was planned for later this month but Coulson and Clint need to go to New Mexico again as there are some more disturbances that might mean Thor or aliens, again, Thor preferably, but no one can be sure.

When Tony leaves Coulson’s office after briefing and submitting his op report, he sees Steve waiting in the hall by the window, staring out of it and looking… lost. Steve does that a lot.

‘I was hoping to catch you,’ he says and Tony is glad that the helmet doesn’t let Steve see the surprise on his face.

‘Hey, Steve – why? Do you need anything?’

‘No, I just thought we could… talk or something, if you have time, you know…’

‘Okay,’ Tony says in Iron Man’s voice. ‘Why me, though? You live here with Clint and Natasha and Bruce, so I thought –’

‘They are busy,’ Steve replies, turning away from the window. ‘I was hoping – if you really have time – if you could help me with some things, you know, 21st century things?’

‘I thought someone was teaching you stuff?’

‘They are, but you know, I am pretty behind and it all seems messy and they – they keep staring at me as I was an alien.’

‘I know that feeling,’ Iron Man laughs easily and the sound makes Steve react just like Bruce did when he heard it for the first time: it makes him smile widely, eyes glimmering with amusement, and cock his head. ‘Anywhere is particular?’

‘It’s a nice day,’ Steve murmurs, looking almost guilty all of sudden. ‘And they won’t let me out yet, not that I don’t understand because I can hardly figure anything _here_ , not to mention outside, but I like my freedom, you know.’

‘Well, let’s go to the roof then, at least you will get some fresher air,’ Tony says and turns around to get to the elevator. He could fly, but he doesn’t want to leave Captain behind.

‘Bruce told me what you said to him one time,’ Steve starts when they are outside, engulfed by the strong wind, with sun shining brilliantly and illuminating the whole city and the ocean; the building isn’t very tall, but it’s nicely situated and the view from the top is really pretty. ‘That you are just a man underneath the suit. Do – do people tend to forget that?’

‘Yeah. They do. Or rather they don’t really think about it: they know I am not a robot, but they don’t seem to think of me in the categories of a normal human being. But that’s okay: I am far from being that when I am in the suit. It was – it was a choice I made, you know.’

‘Everyone treats me like Captain America here,’ Steve confesses, lowering his voice and walking up to the edge of the building to look at the traffic down on the streets. ‘Even if they call me Steve. I know it’s because they seem to _know_ Captain America much better, from the stories and the comic books and everything – I have heard enough legends about myself so far, you know – and no one knows _me_ , really. Not many people used to knows me even back… back in my times. Just my commandos and a few others from the military. When I went to war I – I left nothing behind. No family, no friends. I took with myself all I have been.’

‘You miss it,’ Iron Man concludes, still standing a few steps behind the captain.

‘I think it’s only natural,’ Steve admits. ‘They were my friends, and now – I was given a folder with their data. They are all dead, every single one of them. Some lived as long as ninety. But now they are gone. They had families, kids and grandchildren, and I… I don’t want to meet with those people.’

‘Understandable, Steve,’ Tony replies. ‘They are strangers. You owe them nothing. They don’t even know you exist, because you _shouldn’t_ exist.’

‘You are the first person to tell me that, you know?’ Steve laughs bitterly, turning around to look at Iron Man. ‘Everyone else seems to think I am too fragile to hear something like that said out loud. As if I was going to break.’

‘I don’t think you are going to break,’ Tony assures him, even though the artificial voice doesn’t really convey emotions and it sounds just flat. ‘I _know_ you are stronger than that. Even if it must feel like everything has happened only weeks ago.’

‘You don’t realize how much I appreciate you talking with me normally, you know?’ Steve laughs again, in the same humorless way. ‘Everyone seems to avoid that – well, they wanted me to talk with a psychologist or whoever, I don’t really know what is the difference, but I am not going to talk to a stranger freely. Maybe that’s the outdated me, but it would feel wrong… But yeah,’ he adds, rubbing his wrist with the other hand nervously. ‘It feels like losing them just a few days ago, a few weeks, like – such a short time.’

‘You are allowed to grieve,’ Tony says solemnly, even if it gets lost on Iron Man’s voice. He kind of wants to go and strangle all those S.H.I.E.L.D. _specialists_ now; he thought they would be smarter than _avoidance_ and awe, the two last things that Steve needs now. He needs – he needs something to hook him to this reality and Avengers might be the thing, but it comes with time because the team is a continuous thing and they meet too rarely to be a proper foothold.

‘Yes, I guess…’

‘I would offer you a hug,’ Iron Man says, standing impassively; Tony would like to do something with his hands, with his fingers, like he usually does, but it’s rather impossible in the suit. ‘But you know, I am all metal now and it would be awkward.’

For a fraction of second Steve looks like a beaten puppy; he is too perfect to be real.

‘I don’t know, could you?...’ he asks, turning his head away and blushing slightly, as if it was something shameful. Now Tony _really_ wants to hit someone for fucking with the kid so much – Steve is just so lost and scared and young and they should take care of him if they are claiming the right to keep him in the HQ and control his life –

‘Sure,’ he just says, walks up a few steps and pulls Steve into a hug. It _is_ a strange experience, he can’t really feel the heat of Steve’s body or the strength of his embrace, but he knows it’s all there, and at the same time he has to control himself not to hurt the man with some piece of the suit that is definitely not made for human interaction but for battles or flying high in the sky whenever Tony feels like.

Steve rests his head on Iron Man’s shoulder and it takes him over a minute to pull away.

‘Can we be friends?’ Steve asks when he takes a step back and looks at Iron Man with a small smile. Tony blinks a few times behind the faceplate, bewildered.

‘Just like that?’

‘I don’t know about how it works nowadays, but – what more do we need?’

‘Point taken,’ Tony agrees, laughing lightly. JARVIS conveys it perfectly through the synthesizer. ‘I am not too good at making friends, so I wouldn’t really know, but okay. Friends,’ he states extending his hand and Steve grasps it strongly and shakes it.

Even though it’s going to make Tony’s life more complicated, it surely will, he is sure it will be worth it.

 

 

On Monday Tony starts the next two weeks of radiation, but he is feeling – well, not _too_ bad, thanks to all the meds that Levy and Doc insist he take.

The work is going well: he has finished all the suit upgrades and is slowly building the new Mark, completely invisible thanks to new better panels he’s been working on for three months, they are the most tricky parts, and the new repulsors that give really minimal amount of light and sound. He can’t wait to have it finished: he will be able to spend hours, hours and hours in the air without anyone noticing anything, and flying is, and always will be, one of the most amazing and rewarding things. He signed the consulting contract with S.H.I.E.L.D. and it means he can work from wherever he wants as long as he gets the job done; it’ll makes things easier if there is a conflict of interests between being Iron Man and Nate.

As soon as he put his signature on the papers, Coulson presented him with Level 7 clearance because – quote – _S.H.I.E.L.D. is the best agency out there, but we were sorely lacking a man like you and we have a lot of work waiting to be done_. It’s a lot of work including a lot of secrets and it’s fun to have them handed to him on a silver platter.

Tony ends up spending half of his working time on his personal projects and half on S.H.I.E.L.D. and the voluntary jobs, but Happy and Doc – and JARVIS, most of all JARVIS – make sure he gets a lot of rest, especially during the two-week courses, so a few days into the radiation he finds himself with a few morning hours to fill, even when he adds a meeting with Steve every few days, during which they talk history, tech and science.

JARVIS has a much as locked him out of the workshop; Tony has to agree that it’s probably for the best, but it’s still annoying, even after all these months, not being able to work like he used to. Kind of difficult if you are a workaholic and _love_ your job.

A sudden idea and one telephone call later he finds himself waiting at Riverside’s doorstep, waiting for Annik to come out with the youngest three and go for a walk. All the other kids are away, school and kindergarten respectively.

When the woman walks out of the building, Tony can’t help but wonder how does she do it by herself: Lino and Leila, the seventeen months twins in a double pushchair, and Mikayla – a big girl, two years already – holding her hand and seeming eager to just run off. Annik probably has her own superpower.

‘Let’s go to the park, it’s just ten minutes’ walk and the kids love it there,’ she tells him and offers a smile. He nods in agreement and a moment later there is a little thing clinging to his leg. ‘They adore you, you know? It’s like you have some magical magnetic power,’ she laughs. ‘Mikayla, please?’

The girl looks between the two adults, wriggles her hand out of Annik’s grasp and offers it to Tony. He freezes for a moment, unsure what to do – unsure why the kid would just trust him so easily, just like that? – but Annik gives him an encouraging smile, so he locks his hand around the small one and they start walking.

Mikayla can’t read, obviously, so Annik works as a translator between _Nate_ and the girl, but really, they don’t need too many words when they play. It’s one of those _I would have never done this_ experiences for Tony: a playground filled with children, shouting and running, and their mothers, it’s at least 90% mothers, trying to half-heartedly control the mess and looking as if they were enjoying themselves a lot in the middle of it.

That isn’t so strange to understand when Tony finds himself enjoying it, too.

It’s as far from Tony Stark’s life as it gets and he _loves_ it.

When they are start walking back, Annik notices that Mikayla is tired – she would never say that herself, Tony learns, and he likes the girl even more because that is so like him – and Tony ends up carrying her, the girl basically sitting on his hip, with is arms wrapped around her small body, and he doesn’t mind at all when his back and his chest around the reactor is achy for the rest of the day.

‘You were such a great help,’ Annik tells him when they are back. ‘If you ever have some time, you are always welcome here,’ she assures him.

‘ _I will try to come by_ ,’ he types and smiles, waves Mikalya a goodbye and goes back home taking the subway. Subway is something new, too, a big change from Bentley with a chauffeur waiting 24/7, but it’s thrilling. So many things seem new and worth discovering all of sudden.

 

 

At the beginning of May Thor finally comes back to Earth – Tony knows it straight away ‘cause JARVIS is always following S.H.I.E.L.D. communication channels – and the next morning he is in New York with Coulson and Clint. Avengers’ meeting has been postponed until the two members are back, so as soon as they reach the HQ, on May 3rd, everyone is called in. Tony would rather spend the day in bed, but he manages to get up, take a cold refreshing shower; a few pills and a bowl of hot soup later he is ready to go.

One great thing about Iron Man is that no one will exclaim _you look terrible!_ or ask _are you okay?_ as soon as they see him. Tony appreciates that a lot.

‘I being grave tidings, my friends,’ Thor starts as soon as all the Avengers are in the conference room. He doesn’t seem anyhow surprised by the two new teammates, he must have been briefed by Coulson before. Of course. ‘My brother, who is, sadly – beyond reason – is preparing an attack and I am afraid it is vengeance on the planet that I hold dear. I have been trying to come here sooner, Son of Coul has informed me you were aware of my fruitless attempts, I was forced to find a new means of transportation, differing gravely from what I have used previously, and it took me a long time to succeed. But here I am now bearing the news, and I want to assure you that I will not leave you until my brother is captured. We do not know where he is at present. We only know he _will_ attack Midgard and I am obliged – I desire – to aid you with preparations for the battle.’

‘Wow, that’s a great thing to hear first thing in the morning, you’ve got to admit,’ Spider Man comments dramatically, rocking the chair he is sitting in back and forth.

‘ _First thing_? That’s not fair –’ Clint starts, but Steve’s look makes him shut up immediately.

‘A battle. With whom, exactly?’ Captain asks in his serious commanding voice, observing Thor guardedly.

‘I do not know, Captain. For that I am sorry. None of my messengers have been able to tell me; only Loki has been sighted, here and there, bragging and asking, disputing about war and kingship, but he can create emanations of himself and therefore telling his real place of residence is impossible.’

‘How do you know he is not bluffing?’ Clint ask, this time more seriously. Well, no Cheetos on the table, it already means the situation is unusual.

‘I trust my messengers with my life,’ Thor states firmly and no one has any doubts regarding that. ‘Also, I know my brother. You, mortals, do not think the way we do. I have seen him doing great things, but I have seen him doing foul things, too, in bouts of madness. And I fear this is the case now. He is envious of my future kingship and won’t stop by himself.’

‘Do we have any way of telling when and where he will attack?’ Coulson asks, rolling his sleeves up and undoing the top button of his shirt; it’s going to be a long debate.

‘I expect him to strike within a month. As to the place, he surely will lead his army to wherever he will do most harm to hurt me more. He knows I will come to aid people wherever it might be.’

‘That doesn’t help us much,’ Bruce murmurs. He is strangely calm, given the situation, but that’s only for the best.

‘I will tell you all about my brother that you need to know and maybe that shall let us all find an answer together,’ Thor informs them and starts talking.

The meeting lasts for two hours before they get a break, but there is still so much to talk about, so probably another two hours or more ahead. Tony is nursing a headache despite the medicine that he took, and he knows he won’t be able to focus properly if he lets it be like this, so he sneaks off during when everyone else is getting food, asks JARVIS to black the cameras out, and half-lifts his faceplate to put a few more pills into his mouth and drink some water. When he is back in the room Bruce asks him if he isn’t hungry and he, very honestly, says that no, he couldn’t eat right now anyway.

Not a good moment, really, but he can’t just run away now and stay in bed when the fucking world needs saving.

The next two hours pass quickly: they talk, shout, argue, talk some more, and make a few important decisions. The whole S.H.I.E.L.D. and other _secret_ _agencies_ are going to be on alert, every active member prepared to fight in case of need, and the Avengers are scheduled to meet twice a week for training to perfect their teamwork, especially including the two newest members.

Tony feels only like sleeping for a month without a break at the moment, definitely not fighting and training and waiting, waiting, waiting, but life is a bitch.

Luckily, the next morning is his last radiation in this cycle, so he’s only going to be better for the next three weeks. He can only pray to whatever force might be out there, asking for the battle to _not_ take place later than in three weeks, when he might be almost-fainting and trying to sleep off nausea and headaches.

The schedule tightens now: Friday afternoon, _Nate_ spends about eight hours working on a security system for the Tesseract, since it is likely to be a target. They don’t have a way to shut off or activate the cube yet –the research has been proving rather helpful, but they need _time_ – so the only thing they can do is suppress it as much as possible. That’s a collaborating work between the R &D and the programming team, but Tony feels like he is doing most of the job there. Not that he’s complaining.

Iron Man asks Thor why can’t he just take Tesseract home, when it’s something Loki desires, but apparently with Loki who is going to attack the Earth _for_ sure, Odin staying in Odinsleep and Thor in Midgard, the cube would be too easy for Loki to find and steal from Asgard.

Tony decides it’s a bit messed up, but there is nothing he can do other than work as well as possible and he does exactly that. His teaching dates with Steve get cancelled until further notice.

On Saturday, Nate goes to Riverside and acts as if nothing has happened. Well, nothing _has_ happened, really, and there is nothing he can do to make the kids anyhow safer.

In the evening, JARVIS locks him out of the workshop.

‘I understand that there is a difficult situation, sir, and it might endanger the whole planet, but you cannot work efficiently when you are so tired. Don’t forget that I monitor your vitals all the time, sir. You can’t fool me,’ the A.I. tells him and Tony wonders why does he even let JARVIS sass so much.

But he is really fucking exhausted.

‘The world can wait half a day,’ JARVIS adds and calls Happy who comes to pick Tony up. Happy sighs theatrically when Tony almost crawls into the car and sinks into the seat lifelessly. Happy wakes Tony up when they are back in the underground garage and drags him to the elevator and then into the apartment and Tony sleeps for twelve hours straight, without eating or showering or taking his clothes off; he only finds his shoes by the bed when he wakes up at 0500 hrs feeling much more _alive_.

Doc and Happy are sitting in the kitchen, as if it wasn’t such an early hour, playing Monopoly, special _Stark Industries_ edition from a few years back when the company had its 70th birthday. Okay. Playing monopoly, eating club sandwiches and drinking tea; the tea, it is totally Scott’s doing.

‘You feeling better, boss?’ Happy asks as soon as Tony comes into view, even though he doesn’t even raise his head.

‘Yeah,’ Tony admits weakly, he doesn’t like to admit when he is _not_ feeling good, he’s never liked that. He should have got used to that by now, but well. ‘Thanks for yesterday,’ he adds quickly as he walks across the kitchen. Happy still doesn’t look up, but he is grinning now. At least one good deed for the day: make someone smile.

‘JARVIS won’t let you get coffee before you eat something substantial,’ Doc offers when Tony stands in front of the coffee machine. ‘We didn’t force you to eat anything yesterday, but that’s not gonna happen today. There is soup on the stove. Heat it up for yourself, kiddo,’ Doc finishes and goes back to his game, humming loudly and sipping his tea.

It’s cream of asparagus with parmesan and cream and bacon pieces, so Tony eats a full bowl and a half even though he doesn’t feel hungry; he knows, rationally, that his body needs it, though.

‘Plans for today?’ Happy asks when Tony is done with the soup, putting a mug of hot cocoa in front of him.

‘Iron Man has an emergency training with the rest of the team –’

‘You should skip this one, boss, really –’

‘– mostly strategy, baby,’ Tony finished, glaring. ‘I will be _fine_. And Nate has a meeting with his team in the evening. Apparently Fury decided that we need a brainstorm with the R &D guys, I can’t fathom why, I could do more work by myself that the three of them do together with _their teams_ ,’ Tony whines, but the other men just roll their eyes and make him drink the cocoa and swallow some medicine.

Everything goes just a planned until it doesn’t.

 _Nate Rives_ finds himself face to face with Captain America – well, he is not in the costume, so maybe it’s Steve Rogers – as they almost bump into each other.

‘I am sorry, agent…’ Steve starts, looking at Tony’s chest for the ID that all agents have pinned to their S.H.I.E.L.D. suits or hanging from their necks. Nate doesn’t have one and he can’t say anything, so he just smiles apologetically, takes the tablet out and quickly types a message, each of his movements followed by curious eyes.

‘ _Nate Rives. I’m not an agent, just a consultant. I don’t speak, hence this graceless form of communication, unless you know ASL_.’

‘I don’t know what it is,’ Steve admits, blinking, as he stares at the small screen.

‘ _American Sign Language,_ ’ Tony types quickly. ‘ _Honored to meet you, Captain_ ,’ he adds. Steve smiles.

‘Call me Steve. I might be Captain, but only in the uniform,’ he adds firmly, offering Nate a hand. This is becoming a thing.

‘ _Call me Nate, then_ ,’ he types.

‘So you are a consultant? I haven’t met any yet.’

‘ _I am the one and only_ ,’ Tony informs him, grinning mischievously. ‘ _I am a programmer, I write computer programs and I am damn good at that, Everyone wants me. S.H.I.E.L.D. too, but I can’t let them have all of me,_ ’ he adds. Steve snickers when he reads the message and Tony’s eyebrows shoot up. He hasn’t known Steve for a long time, but he would rather expect him to be at least slightly disapproving.

‘Got that,’ Steve sounds amused; maybe he is in good mood because the training with the team went well, Tony has to admit. ‘I wasn’t given a choice, you know,’ he says jokingly, but it is totally sincere underneath the surface.

Tony smiles a bit awkwardly and sighs.

‘ _Sorry, but I need to run now. There is some work I need to get done for Fury,_ ’ he types and after a moment of pause adds ‘ _I hope we run into each other sometime ;)_ ’

Whether Steve knows or not what emoticons are Tony doesn’t know, but given how much time he spends with Clint, Tony would rather vote for yes.

‘Yeah. Sure. Nice to meet you,’ Steve replies, nodding, and Tony waves at him and disappears. He _doesn’t_ have any work to do now and even if he did, the two mother hens back in the apartment won’t let him do anything more strenuous than go for a walk. It’s just that minimizing the contact as Nate makes it easier to be around Steve as Iron Man; less things to control, less things to think of.

 

 

The next three weeks pass in anxious anticipation of the inevitable.

Tony tries not to let the restlessness affect him too much, but it’s rather difficult. He wishes he could do something more, something special, to prevent anyone or anything he cares about from harm, but there is still no telling where Loki might strike, so any kind of attempt of evacuation will be rather futile and might end up with people panicking.

Nate goes out for a walk with Annik a few more times and visits Riverside every Saturday, as somehow he’s managed to work his schedules around that appointments. Iron Man trains a few times a week with the whole team and with each member individually. Tony checks S.H.I.E.L.D.’s data, trying to pick out anything unusual, anything that could be an answer _anyhow_ , and observes how the whole secret world – the part behind the scenes – is waiting, waiting, waiting for something to happen.

Captain America doesn’t run into the mute consultant again, Nate insists on teleconferences instead of real meetings because honestly, he mostly works by himself anyway. Fury and the rest of the guys have to agree because Nate is too good to say no to him.

Iron Man and Steve don’t get much time together, but when they do, they mostly talk about practical things, what means the ops they were parts of, the strange work stories, and sometimes they gossip about the teammates, but only a bit. It’s a strange kind of _friendship_ , when no one knows the other half really closely, Steve doesn’t even know Iron Man’s name, but somehow they make it work.

 

 

Then it just happens, all of sudden: in the early morning of 25th – three days before Tony’s next radiation cycle, thanks heavens for the little things – S.H.I.E.L.D. facility in northeastern region of New York state sends an emergency signal and reports immediate evacuation order due to the Tesseract acting up in a completely unprecedented manner.

The Avengers assemble in ten minutes, all of them dressed up and with gear on hand, and wait for any kind of information, and it comes maybe a fifteen minutes later, from Maria Hill: Fury is unconscious, as well as several scientists and the security detail from the research facility, and Loki has apparently disappeared somewhere with the Tesseract; all the Helicarrier’s spectrometers are calibrated for gamma radiation to find the cube, but Loki must be shielding it with some kind of spell – Thor seems to think so, at least – and it’s untraceable.

What basically means they can’t even do anything but wait and it’s more mentally exhausting than anything else could be.

Clint and Spider Man, being the crazy darling assholes they are, try to play battleship, but Captain stops them soon enough and tells them to _please be serious for a few moments when we are facing an alien threat and a potential catastrophe_. They still play, but at least sitting next to each other and keeping silent. Thor is pacing back and forth, swinging his hammer, and it kinds of drives Tony crazy so he orders JARVIS to shut the visualand give him the newest data on everything that might be related on the HUD.

Then they get a message saying just this: _Loki is trying to open a portal on the top of Stark Industries Tower_ and at the same time a lot of thing happen: Thor _jumps out of the window_ and flies. Like, _flies_ , towards Stark Tower. Tony doesn’t faint and fall to the fucking floor only because JARVIS locks the armor’s joins.

‘Miss Potts is on a conference in Austin, sir,’ the A.I. adds and Tony’s head clears a bit, but he missed the first two sentences of whatever Coulson is saying.

‘… not far away from here, the Quinjet will help you get up and onto the top of the tower. Wait –’ he stops for a moment, ‘Hill says Fury is okay, just beat up, they are getting up to Helicarrier, she gave instructions to all the police and army squads in the city and WSC is informing the other cities and countries, they will be on alert. We need to get New York under control ourselves.’

‘Why does it always have to be New York?’ Clint whines, even if it isn’t really true; the last few attacks happened in the U.S., but not in NYC itself.

‘Iron Man, Spider Man, you need to get on your own to the tower and take care of the civilians you might meet on your way, now move, move it!’ he yells; Clint, Natasha and Steve run out of the room to go to wherever the jet might be.

‘Bruce – you stay here and wait for any intel we give you, but we might need the other guy,’ Coulson adds quietly, waits exactly until Bruce nods, and disappears, too.

A moment later there is a voice coming from Avengers’ comm, Coulson giving update on Helicarrier’s position, and then Tony gets a message for Nate, asking him to analyze the last readings from the facility before the Cube was stolen.

‘J, you’re on that, right?’ he asks, getting to the roof and taking off, the HUD shining with colors and numbers when Tony turns his head around to look at the SI tower: the portal is already open, a blue column of light going straight into the sky and –

– a hole, an actual hole in the sky, black and energy-absorbing, as far as the suit’s sensors can read, and there is something coming out of it.

‘Of course,’ Tony murmurs, his brain unconsciously aware of all data JARVIS displays. ‘An army, isn’t that what Thor said, and _army_ of god-knows-who? Or what? J – Happy? Doc? Riversi – _fuck!_ Give me an update, like, a year ago –’

‘Mister Happy and Mister Eisen are okay, driving one of your cars to the underground workshop just like you instructed them _in case_. Riverside is okay, it’s out of the center of the attack, sir, and nothing is happening in that area at the moment. I am afraid we cannot do anything, the roads are blocked, the civilian communication is mostly down.’

‘Keep tabs on them and keep me informed – and give me that readings for Nate in a sec,’ Tony asks, accelerating, and he gets no more than a glance at the data before he is fully engaged in a fight with several of the aliens.

‘Those are Chitauri, they come from outside of the Nine Realms,’ Thor’s voice booms via the comm just as Tony blasts two of the _Chitauri_ down; a second later Black Widow, Hawkeye and Captain jump out of the Quinjet that fires all its weapons taking down several of the aliens and flies away swiftly. ‘I am afraid Loki has escaped from where the portal is,’ Thor continues. ‘But it’s of no matter now, we need to battle the invaders to prevent the destruction from the city,’ he adds grimly and Tony realizes what the problem is: Thor’s _beloved_ is somewhere in the middle of this mess, trying to work out the portal just as _Nate_ aka JARVIS and several other S.H.I.E.L.D. scientists are –

– but not Banner, Tony is informed a second later via a roar that would wake up all the fucking dead within fifty miles. Suddenly, Hulk _leaps_ and finds himself clutched to a building a few streets to Tony’s right, smashing the aliens on their _air scooters_ or whatever as if they were flies.

Spider Man seems to have more fun than he should with catching the invaders into his webs.

Coulson, already on the carrier – he was flying the jet that dropped the agents and Captain – gives them all the info he can via comms and it’s _not_ all good information, but apparently there is only one portal – what a fucking relief – and the Avengers seem to be managing okay, very much thanks to the Hulk. NYPD is doing the job down on the streets, evacuating people from buildings and streets to the subway tunnels.

The scientists are on another line, having a teleconference, each staring at his own screen, but they can’t come up with anything that makes sense because the readings are outlandish; it only makes Tony think about what Thor said one time: that the Tesseract is a magical object, just like his hammer. It doesn’t make sense to Tony, who has been born married to science, but apparently it _is_ real.

The third line is Happy but he only speaks up every five minutes to report if they are okay – they are – and if something is happening in the perimeter – a few bodies knocked out of the sky, but no living Chitauri. Riverside is okay, too. Tony feels like an egoistic asshole, but he is kind of happy that nothing is happening to the people that are important to him. And Pepper plus Rhodey, who are out of the town and country respectively, are out of the direct danger, so that’s one less thing to worry about.

Fighting is going all right, even if the armor’s supply of ammo is getting steadily lower, until a few of giant bug things, Thor doesn’t supply the team with a name, come through the portal and Iron Man deals with them Jonah-style – it’s a completely crazy thing to do, but it works and really, there isn’t much time for thinking – Hulk takes a few on his own, growling and roaring like a wild beast he is, and Thor’s lightning proves much more useful here than with the portal that just can’t be closed.

No one has any idea what to do. The science team has no answer either.

Then Maria gets on the comm line and tells Avengers that Loki is _on the Helicarrier._

Thor immediately wants to take off – Mjolnir apparently has a built-in magical GPS – but there is like a dozen of the giant things coming back and he can’t leave. Clint offers the team a long stream of curse words, shouted and murmured, until Natasha makes him shut up and _focus_ because apparently there are some ten aliens tailing him.

‘Coulson, what do we do? Any orders now?’

‘You try to close the portal, we will deal with Loki,’ the agent’s calm voice pours through the comm devices and everyone is probably relaxing a tiny bit, that’s what Tony does at least. So far everybody is uninjured, accounted for and with some ammo left, so it’s not a completely fucked up situation _yet_ , but it will be it the portal stays open.

There is another twenty minutes of fight – Tony, by some miracle, manages to swing by the area where the mansion is and get some new ammo, but he doesn’t have time to even lift the faceplate up to show Happy that he is okay, he just lets JARVIS take care of placing the weapons in place and shoves the man back into the kind-of-safe workshop, it all takes no longer than two minutes – and it makes everyone exhausted because hey, the Chitauri keep coming as if it was a never-ending stream and the other superhero teams were pretty far out to begin with, so even if they manage to arrive and give aid, it will be in at least an hour and no one will last a few hours – Tony doesn’t let himself think too much, well, there really isn’t a second he can spare for sappy moments of melancholy. After dealing with a few of the giant monsters, Thor finally takes off; there are a few quieter moments.

And then everything goes to hell in a second.

Coulson says, in his usual voice, via the comm like that Loki has a spear and said spear can close the portal but the god has tricked Thor into containment – _yes, the Hulk-proof one_ – so Thor can’t get it.

Then he stops in mid-sentence and the comm goes silent, transmitting only an unpleasant buzz for a few moments before Tony cuts Coulson’s device off the line.

Clint shouts and then Natasha does too, and Steve, and it’s something bad because they are all near each other, Iron Man’s sensors keep track of them. He lets JARVIS take a few shots and turns around to see Clint falling off _Empire State building_ and Tony can swear his heart stops for a second – but then Spider Man catches him, puts him on the pavement at Captain’s feet and leaps in the air again, hitting a couple of the scooter-riders in the process.

Hill says the Helicarrier is one engine down and they are lucky the other three are okay, but it’s close to being a disaster – and a second later she adds that Loki has disappeared. Clint asks about Coulson, but she says she doesn’t know; all the systems of the ship are scrambled.

Spider Man comes in sight and take a few more of the flying things tangling them in his webs and lining for Iron Man to shoot down while Widow helps Hawkeye up – or Natasha helps Clint up, it’s more like that, her touch much more tender than Widow’s could ever be – and it’s not even five minutes before Hill makes contact again.

With Iron Man only, he notices, JARVIS is tracing the calls.

‘WSC sent a nuke to bomb Manhattan,’ she states drily, but her voice trembles the way Tony would have never expected. ‘We have three minutes.’

‘I’m on it,’ Tony tells her without missing a second to think about it.

Because – because of Happy and Doc and all the rest of people who look out for him, Riverside and S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters and his team, because of all the fucking eight million people living in the city and he – he can do this.

Tony is wearing the newest suit and it’s not even dented that much, not destroyed very much, he can make it, JARVIS calculated everything on 0.3 second.

It’s two minutes left when he gets to the missile – at least it’s not SI-made – and grabs it, almost attaching it to the suit. His mind is really too numb to think; the only thing he is aware of now is the weight on his back and how fucking fitting that it.

New York can’t be nuked, his brain says. Therefore, the missile must be but somewhere. Portal. Aliens. Outer space. Different dimension. Easy.

And it’s not like he will be losing much if he dies now, a few months, it’s  just – _Pepper. Pepper_ and _Rhodey_.

‘Shall I call someone?’ the A.I. asks knowingly; he doesn’t have to ask Tony what he is planning. He can read his creator’s mind – he’s already cut off the Avengers’ comm and the scientist’s line, leaving Tony to silence and a rainbow of data on the HUD.

‘No, J. You know – you know what to do. Make sure it’s done,’ he just says, shivering a little, but it is lost on the suit.

‘Thor escaped from the containment cell is fighting with Loki on the top of SI tower, sir,’ JARVIS offers and a moment later Tony sees it, but he can’t do anything right now. They will manage.

Fifty seconds when Tony reaches the stream of blue light shooting up in the sky and starts following it.

‘I am so sorry, J. Tell them I am sorry,’ Tony adds in whisper, taking last look at the view of the city underneath: there is so much destruction. But he will stop more destruction from coming. That’s – that’s a noble thing to do. The right thing. Something he’s always wanted to do.

Thirty seconds and he enters the portal; all the noises are suddenly gone and he is surrounded by ringing silence that almost physically hurts. JARVIS takes the suit as far as possible – seventeen, sixteen, stops at fifteen seconds, Tony’s hands fall and the nuke goes on thanks to the momentum.

Twelve and Tony starts falling; he is counting only in his mind now, so he might be wrong, he might be counting milliseconds or eons. With the suit’s power going out all the lines in front of his eyes have disappeared and the only thing he can see it the giant planet-like mother-ship of the Chitauri, and the bright strange stars all around.

Eight and he is falling so fast that it hurts, every single of his cells hurt so much that he uncontrollably yells in pain, it feels as if some strange force was ripping his body apart – he misses seven and six and five and four, but manages to open his eyes at three – the starts are so bright they hurt his eyes.

Two. One.

Then he sees the orange-red light, a curiously-shaped explosion because there is no surface, nothing to stop it, and Tony closes his eyes with all the light and colors still in front of his eyes.

‘ _The eyes are not here, there are no eyes here in this valley of dying stars, in this hollow valley_ ,’ Tony murmurs soundlessly to himself. It seems viscerally fitting.

He keeps falling and it keeps hurting. He is _free_.

 

 

Tony wakes up laying sprawled on the pavement, still in the suit, JARVIS _shouting_ at him to open his eyes. Maybe that made him wake up from – _fuck._

JARVIS was never programmed to be able to shout, but apparently he can. Somehow.

‘… rip your suit apart, sir, if you don’t start moving, I can control the armor and copy your speech patterns only to a certain extent –’

‘Nuke?’ Tony manages to rasp out, blinking rapidly to clear his blurry vision.

‘Hit the mother-ship just as it exploded – the Chitauri all fell when it happened, I gathered, sir. The portal was closed – you fell through it a second before. How are you feeling?’

‘Lucky me,’ Tony coughs, sitting up _slowly._ Like, really, really, really slowly. ‘You can guess, J – everyone?’

‘The Avengers are around you, sir, all of them,’ JARVIS says a bit smugly and Tony finally is sitting up properly, with the A.I.’s help, and lifts his head up. They really are here. ‘Riverside is all right. The workshop is under control, too. No damage.’

‘What we got?’ Tony asks weakly, ignoring the headache that starts sliding under his skin, nesting somewhere between his temples. It takes him ten more seconds to stand up and the rest of the team just seems to stare blankly somewhere behind him.

‘Loki was incapacitated, Thor informed the rest of the team. His spear is gone –’

‘What _happened_?’

‘Agent Coulson was gravely injured by Loki, sir,’ JARVIS says quietly. ‘The doctors can’t say if he will be all right.’

‘ _Fuck_ ,’ Tony swears angrily, shuddering. He knew something was wrong that moment when Clint fell but he didn’t think – no one thought – ‘Get all the data you can from S.H.I.E.L.D. as soon as all their systems are up, I want to know _everything_ ,’ he barks and then takes a deep breath.

‘Are you sure you should stand up? I mean, I know you are cool and tough and all but you fell out of the outer space –’

‘I am fine,’ Tony interrupts Spider Man. He looks battered but in surprisingly good spirits; Tony guesses it makes some sense since they _did fight off_ an alien invasion. For what cost – it’s not definite yet. Not yet. ‘Don’t look at me like that, Captain,’ he adds. ‘The suit is really much sturdier than it looks. Everything is all right – and I believe we have work to do, right?’ he asks, turning towards Thor who is eying him with concern and some confusion.

‘Aye. That we do,’ the god agrees.

S.H.I.E.L.D. ends up taking Loki into custody, guarded by Thor, with Mjolnir set down on his chest to prevent him from even moving, since no Midgardian science can contain magic.

Yes, Tony promises himself. Yet.

Clint disappears with Natasha and the reason and destination are obvious: Coulson is still in surgery and will be for a while. The spear has made quite a dame to his lung and heart and the doctors have _a lot of_ work with him, not to mention that there are dozens of injured agents and hundreds of dead or injured civilians.

Bruce is back to being Bruce and sits in his post-Hulk clothes with Captain, coaxed by the man to eat something to replenish his energy.

Iron Man nods to them and disappears; he knows JARVIS is handling Nate for now – Tony has to congratulate himself for making up the mute act, the A.I. can send written messages without being suspicious – so he goes to the broken engine and it takes him twenty minutes to repair it. Fury gets on Avengers’ comm and tells them they will have a debrief with him in two days at 1000 hrs and orders them to get medical attention and some rest now because there is nothing more they can do.

Tony waves at Captain, Bruce and Spider Man and disappears into the air; then he turns on the _invisible_ option and gets straight to the apartment. Happy and Doc are not there yet; he told them everything is all right and didn’t listen too much of what they wanted to say. Because apparently, the footage of Iron Man going through the portal with the nuke and saving the whole city was live on TV and now is the most watched video on the internet. At least everywhere where the electricity is working.

Honestly, Tony is too tired to care.

It will take his two babysitters at least an hour to get from the workshop place to the apartment through the rubble and the mess that the world outside is: every single policeman and soldier is working on collecting the Chitauri bodies, weapons and everything _alien,_ while all civilians are helping fellow victims.

As always, in such moment, people seem to be the most formidable of all beings in the universe and they are doing damn good job at being a community. Probably for a day before they will manage to find something to argue about, but it’s, for now, uplifting.

Tony can take a minute off, then.

JARVIS unwraps the suit and Tony almost collapses when the metal supporting his weight is not there, all of sudden. He was clever enough to drag himself to the middle of the living room first, so it’s only three more steps to the sofa. Tony manages that a bit shakily and the collapses.

He is alive.

He is alive.

He is _still_ alive.

It’s so surreal that he decides he might just as well be dreaming already.

 

 

The next day feels even stranger.

Doc looks over and decides that there is nothing terribly wrong with him, just bad bruises, some scraps and a few strained muscles. Not even pulled. It’s much less that Tony has expected, so it’s big a relief. Happy has called Scott and told him that everyone is alive and safe and that they will meet as soon as some of the mess in NY is cleared, because he knows perfectly well that Tony _won’t_ leave the city now.

No one talks about the nuke, but the question is hanging in the air, making the atmosphere heavy but in a way it’s comforting, like having a thick blanket wrapped around shoulders.

The first morning _after_ Tony goes to Riverside to check up on the kids. Everything seems to be okay, luckily, the kids are only scared to death, but about 98% of the world is and all the others must be crazy. It is Saturday, but everyone understands when Nate says that he can’t stay today; it maybe would be good for the kids, as a distractions, especially for the bit older ones, but Tony just can’t do that.

Nate has to go to S.H.I.E.L.D. for a meeting about the Tesseract with Thor and Jane Foster and he has to do that in person; the situation is too serious for him to say _sorry but I can’t_.

The meeting is strange and hectic and the most important information of the day is that Thor will be taking the Tesseract to Asgard no matter what the Midgardians say and he will stay there until Odin wakes up – it might be a day or a year, the god says, but he also claims that Odin even is his sleep is somehow able to feel the weight of his responsibilities and he won’t be asleep for longer than necessary is a face of such grave incident.

He says it all with Jane sitting in his lap, as if it was totally normal; she stops blushing furiously after ten minutes when everyone stops staring a bit. Nate hasn’t known Thor for long, but what he is sure about already is that if the god cares about someone, there is no stopping him, and however strange that may be, he is completely and madly in love with a girl from the earth.

She is totally smitten with him, too, so everything makes a fairytale-like sense.

Thor keeps looking at Nate throughout the meeting, mostly when someone else is speaking, but it’s not really staring or anything like that. It’s a curious glance of a child, Tony decides, he has seen enough of those recently.

When the meeting ends, Thor disappears with Jane straight away and Nate makes his way out of the building – the boring way, leaving via the main entrance – but before he manages to get to the ground floor, a certain someone suddenly happens to be in front of him.

‘ _My favorite consultant,_ ’ Clint signs. He looks rather bad, covered with bruises – obvious thing, given how much he was falling and jumping around – and has his left arm in sling, dark bags under his eyes because _of course_ he didn’t sleep. He looks just _lifeless._

But he is still standing on his own legs, so it’s not that bad.

‘ _Is everything all right_?’ Tony signs, because it’s something Nate would ask about not knowing everything that Iron Man knows.

‘ _Of course not_ ,’ Clint replies and they share a resigned humorless grins. ‘ _But I need to go. I just wanted to check on you. You okay_?’

‘ _I am_ ,’ Tony assures him. ‘ _Don’t worry about me. Take care of yourself._ ’

‘I will,’ Clint says aloud. His voice is completely devoid of emotion. ‘Good to know you’re okay. I had to make sure you didn’t – you know. Good. I will see you around,’ he adds and turns around, disappearing somewhere a moment later.

Tony spends the rest of the day working on repairing the suit because who the hell knows when he might need it – _anytime_ – so he cannot afford to relay on the older and outdated models; sure, they are good to fly and fight, but it’s nowhere near Mark VII. He knows he might be obsessing. A bit. JARVIS says he is obsessing a lot, but Tony doesn’t agree; it seems only fitting after what has happened.

No one seems to agree and Tony ends up dragged out of the workshop around nine p.m., Happy drives them to a place they both like and gets them proper warm food and makes Tony eat. Tony himself is rather surprised that he can manage that without throwing everything up straight away, the way his gut feels.

He doesn’t tell anyone. It’s just fear. It’s just being human.

Sunday is the debrief and everyone is present at 1000 hrs sharp, for once not in their uniforms, save Tony and Spider Man. It’s a strange mix between _mission_ mode and _normal_ _life_ mode, especially Natasha and Clint, the way Tony has noticed at the end of the battle.

Tony knows Coulson is still in ICU and they can’t say if he will live. Two more days, they say, if he pulls through two more days, he will make it. That doesn’t make anyone feel better.

‘Before we start, I want to tell you one thing, team,’ Fury says, his voice as booming and authoritative as always. ‘We _are_ dealing with WSC at the moment. Hill is on that, with a few of the top agents. We are _not_ going to tolerate this kind of actions and I am _not_ going to let some bunch of morons to nuke _my_ _city_. I am sorry,’ he adds, turning towards Iron Man, and everyone looks at him too. ‘That we had to put you in such situation.’

‘You – we didn’t have choice,’ Iron Man’s emotionless voice replies and Tony lowers his head a bit. _It doesn’t really matter so much, not a big difference, it could have been interesting, for a moment I thought it would be a great way to die_ , Tony thinks, but doesn’t say any of it aloud, not even to JARVIS. ‘Don’t reminisce. I am all right. There are other things we need to focus on.’

Fury stays unmoving, with his arms wrapped behind his back and his head tilted slightly, staring at Iron Man as if he was trying to figure something out. Maybe half a minute later he nods slowly, looks down at the papers on the desk  in front of him and speaks up.

‘Good. I don’t know exactly how it’s done usually in your team – I trust my agents – so we will do it my way. Let’s go through your reports first,’ Fury states, looking at them expectantly, and it’s Steve to start talking first, everyone following his example.

The debrief doesn’t have the usual rhythm and sparkle; half of it is because everything they are talking about is serious matters and heavy stuff and Fury doesn’t joke even about funny things; the other half is that Coulson is their friend, better or worse but friend, and the Director is nothing but a foreign substitute.

And, of course, everyone is _exhausted._

 

 

On Monday Tony starts radiation as if nothing has happened. The clinic is pretty far from the center of Manhattan so there is no damage, it works normally. Since Tony’s treatment is just come-and-go kind of thing, it’s not a problem to conduct it normally, even with all hospital beds filled with the attack’s more or less gravely injured victims.

‘Are you now going to behave like a responsible adult you are supposed to be, boss, or do we have to ask JARVIS to lock you out of the workshop?’ Happy greets Tony when he comes back home at 2200 hrs after spending the whole day working.

There is so much to do. _Again_. And this time for real.

‘You will give me curfew?’

‘You already have a curfew, you just don’t respect it,’ Happy replies with straight face, putting a plate full of pasta in front of Tony. ‘Now eat.’

‘You do not care if I am hungry,’ Tony says before Happy can do that.

‘Oh, so you know that, how nice,’ Happy sighs. ‘But really, I don’t care if the whole world needs your help suddenly. You need _rest_ , especially now. You are tired and beat up like a walking eggplant.’

‘You are so funny,’ Tony scoffs, but sits down with his legs crossed and eats almost all of the food.

‘You know you’ve got something else to do, still,’ Happy adds when they are finishes, giving Tony _the look_ ; he gets up, leaving the things to clean for the bots.

‘I know,’ Tony admits, biting his lip. He fucking knows.

‘I will do it if you don’t. Soon.’

‘Okay,’ Tony agrees because he knows he needs to know that someone will force him. He would be running away as long as possible. ‘Please do that,’ he adds almost inaudibly. Happy nods. He will.

 

 

June 1st, five days after the post-mission debrief, there is the usual Avengers meeting. It’s not official at all; Fury told them he will tell them when they might be needed, but the team decided to meet by themselves anyway. Captain said they have a few things to talk about.

He is the boss here while Coulson is under the meticulous care of S.H.I.E.L.D. medical; he’s managed those two days and has even woken up a few times coherent enough to talk. Tony knows Clint has been basically living his hospital room; JARVIS has access to all the cameras. The archer seems much less tired and more… pulled together, what is great. It has been a fucking pain to see him so hurt and broken.

Although everyone seems more or less hurt and broken these days.

‘As you know, Agent Coul–’

‘Phil,’ Clint cuts in with a small smirk. There are no Cheetos this time. ‘He’d like that.’

‘ _Phil_ ,’ Steve says with a smile, ‘is going to make it and he will be back with us in a few weeks. Even if it might be a few months before he can work as our handler again – we need to discuss the other potential handlers. The other options. I think at this point we can bargain and get what we want.’

‘We really should since we’ve just saved the world, I think it might be an universal law or something,’ Spider Man adds, sitting crouched in  his chair like always. ‘No one is going to tell me to do what I don’t like doing –’

‘I will,’ Steve stops him, rolling his eyes. ‘Watch me. But. I think we did a great job as a team, and it was far more than we could have ever tried to prepare for. I thanked you all already, and we’ve gone through being all polite and nice, so now down to business.’

‘We’ve been thinking,’ Bruce starts, pushing his glasses up a bit with his pinkie like he does all the time. ‘We’ve had some time to figure some things out, about S.H.I.E.L.D., about the Avengers – thanks to Steve, you know everyone breaks down when he speaks to them,’ there is a soft wave of laughter, that is so true, ‘S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn’t have any other plans for us than to have the team on standby for any missions that might require our skill set. Like we’ve been acting so far. But since we all are lost creatures – okay. I will spare you the elevated speech,’ he smiles sheepishly. ‘Cap?’

‘We think we should move in together. Live in one place – out response time would be great and we would get to know each other much better, seeing each other every day – but of course there are two cases.’

‘I’d love to sneak into your bedroom and look for any blackmail, _Steve_ , but I am afraid that’s impossible,’ Spider Man says and it’s the first time Tony hears his sounding anyhow apologetic or regretful.

But he knows himself that a Secret Identity means sacrifices.

‘I can’t,’ he says truthfully. ‘If you move, though, I fully support the decision. I think Spiderman and I could come around as often as possible.  I would certainly try.’

‘Well, as long as there are free snacks and beverages,’ Spider Man nods eagerly.

Steve smiles in his perfect Cap way and turns his look to Clint and Natasha.

‘If you had asked me a month ago, I would have said no,’ Clint says, leaning back in his chair and giving Natasha a long look. ‘But now I think I can say yes. As long as Phil is invited.’

‘Of course he is,’ Natasha scoffs, squeezing his arm reassuringly. ‘We’re in. I think we genuinely need a break from S.H.I.E.L.D. since we have lived and worked and breathed this place for years.’

‘Thor?’

‘If I am in Midgard, I would be most glad to join you, my comrades,’ Thor replies gravely.

‘That’s great,’ Steve says as earnestly as only he can, ‘I really wasn’t sure you would say yes. That’s really swell,’ he adds and laughs lightly; it’s nervous but excited. ‘We’ve got a place that we could use. The old S.H.I.E.L.D. facility twelve blocks South from here – you know the place, right?’

‘The mansion that’s been an emergency safe house and kind of a storage place for the last ten years? We snuck in there dozens of times,’ Clint tells them, giving Natasha a look. She returns it and makes him grin tiredly.

‘I’ll talk with Fury and tell him everything,’ Steve concludes. Tony nods at him; it’s fascinating to see how the man is spreading his wings and wriggling out of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s grasp. He is much less kind and agreeable than most people have expected, turning out to be exactly what _Tony_ expected him to be, given the anecdote he’s heard: a young rebellious man with too many ideals and lots of common sense he ignores skillfully.

They talk for a bit longer, setting a date for another training day and a team meeting, and when they leave Steve asks Iron Man if they could talk. Tony agrees and sits down in his usual place. Steve closes the door behind Clint, who leaves last, and sits next to Tony.

‘I don’t think I will ever be able to say _thank you_ enough for what you did,’ he starts. Tony inclines his head a bit and waits for elaboration. ‘I only woke up two months ago and we’ve had all this things going on, we were expecting _something_ all the time. I was expecting something with you all, because I didn’t know anything else. I’ve learned so much about this world from you, and I got a bit attached to you, so when Agent Hill said there is a nuclear weapon sent to destroy Manhattan I… I thought about the millions of people who live here, but it was a second thought. The first was you all, because you are as much of a family as I could ever dream of. And then you – you just did it. Grabbed the nuke. Sent it to space.’

‘That was an obvious decision,’ Iron Man states. Steve shudders.

‘We didn’t know if you would come back – you didn’t know, right? Or did you?’ Steve asks, standing up and starting to pace. ‘Well, that decision we made to be friends, I know it was made on a whim, but it mattered a lot to me and when I saw how you…’

‘How I don’t hesitate,’ Tony guesses. Steve nods solemnly. ‘I did,’ he assures Captain. It doesn’t matter if that was half a second. ‘But you do know this kind of thing. You did the same, didn’t you? You crashed the plane with the Tesseract and decided to die just as easily. Because – let’s not lie to each other: we both were sure we were going to die.’

‘I was just hoping nothing like that would _ever_ happen again, and it did and – just. So close to me. It’s always so close,’ Steve says quietly. He keeps his pensive eyes on Tony, making him feel strangely exposed, despite the disguise-that-is-no-longer-disguise. And the suit.

‘We are in such position that this will happen a lot. But you know it. And you did when you were just Steve Rogers, agreeing to be experimented on for the good of your country. No really sane person would do that,’ Tony adds, cocking his head. He knows that Steve has learned so far that it’s sometimes an equivalent of a smile that the faceplate cannot convey.

Steve chuckles and his face is just a tiny bit less grim.

‘I really appreciate your honesty, Iron Man. Heavens know I need it – but I wanted to ask. That was the point.’

‘Ask?’

‘Just – are you _really_ okay? You know. You fell out of a sky. Hulk caught you but it was still at such a great speed and force and you took a moment to reply and –’

‘Cap,’ Tony interjects, getting up and standing in front of Steve. ‘Steve. I really appreciate this, but you worry too much. I am here. If something was wrong, I wouldn’t be here. It’s as easy as that. I was bruised a lot, like all of you, but that’s it.  You can’t let yourself worry too much.’

‘I know. I will try.’

‘We’ve got things to do, don’t we?’

‘I think we do,’ Steve agrees and moves towards the door, but Tony puts his gloved hand on his shoulder.

‘Hey. We are all right. Every single one of us is, even Phil, he’s going to be okay. New York will be rebuilt, not only the city physically, but out spirit, too. Much more than some aliens and almost dying is necessary to break us,’ he ends, squeezing Steve’s shoulder.

Steve finally smiles the way that he normally does: more radiantly than the sun. Honestly. It really makes everyone happy to make him happy just to get that smile.

‘You are right. _Much_ more is needed.’

Tony nods and the finally leave the conference room. Steve goes towards his quarters, to right, and Tony needs to get to the roof – that is the other way – but as soon as he takes the next turn, he almost walks into Thor.

‘I am sorry, Man of Iron. I did not anticipate you so soon –’

‘You were waiting for me?’ Tony asks, surprised, taking a step back and taking in Thor’s regal self in his battle clothing that he put on for the meeting.

‘Yes. Indeed I was. Could we talk? Where are you headed?’

‘To the roof, that’s where I fly from – is that okay?’

‘I shall accompany you,’ Thor decided and follows Tony the few levels up. It takes them maybe three minutes to get outside of the building. ‘Can you secure our conversations from the devices that serve the agents controlling this edifice to hear and see us?’

Tony doesn’t as how Thor knows that he is able to do something like that, but he tells JARVIS to take control of the cameras and make sure nobody from S.H.I.E.L.D. will be able to listen to their conversation.

‘It’s done,’ Tony tells Thor, looking at the god curiously, but that’s hidden by the helmet. ‘What do you need such secrecy for, Thor?’

‘I know of your real name, Man of Iron,’ Thor says, looking straight at the faceplate and making Tony’s heart almost stop.

What _?_

‘ _What_?’

‘I have known since the meeting we had with your fellow science friends and my beloved Jane,’ Thor explain, his voice hushed. ‘I am an Asgardian. Here, on earth, we have been called gods not only for our strength and abilities – like mine, to fly with Mjolnir– but also for an insight we have into your world and your souls.’

‘What – what _kind_ of insight?’ Tony rasps out with disbelief; JARVIS makes it a smooth subdued question, the angel he is.

‘It is alike a… signature. Each person gives us a certain feeling. It is very unique and we do not make mistakes there. When we met, I felt the same kind of emanation from a Midgardian that calls himself _Nate Rives_ as I feel from you, Iron Man.’

‘Oh,’ Tony manages, a stream of mixed thoughts racing through his head, but none of them making much sense.

‘Do not worry. I will not share this revelation with anyone, ‘tis the reason why I asked you to ensure our privacy here.’

Well. That at least makes Tony’s heart slow down a bit and wow, breathing normally is fun too – he doesn’t even know why he is reacting so strongly. It was bound to happen at some point, Tony has been aware that it’s highly probably that someone will connect these two dots sooner or later. He just hoped for later. Much later.

‘Why would you tell me that now, then?’ he asks finally, staring at Thor whose face lightens and a smile crawls on his face.

‘I know naught of your family or friends –’

‘I guess you can call me Nate at the moment,’ Tony sighs. Thor beams.

‘– _Nate_. I thought it would only be kind to ask you if you would not consider sharing this double identity matter with our shield brothers. Then you could come to live with us.’

‘Thor, it is…’ Tony pauses for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. ‘I am happy you thought about me, but I am afraid I won’t be able to do that. I – Iron Man and Nate are two separate people, even if it’s me. Iron Man is someone that appears when he is needed, and it’s temporary and additional, in a way. Nate is – he is everything else. I don’t want them to merge. Maybe one day, but not now. I _need_ this separation,’ Tony explains. He has this strange feeling that despite JARVIS’ transmitting his voice via the synthesizer, Thor knows exactly how Tony is feeling.

‘Of course. I understand. I only felt obliged to share the knowledge with you, since you are my friend, and I would not keep a secret of such importance from a friend. Remember that if you require any kind of help or assistance, whenever I am in Midgard, you can turn to me and I will try to offer you counsel.’

‘I – thanks, Thor. I appreciate this a lot,’ Tony says, meaning it so much.

Maybe it’s not that bad. Knowing that, within the team, there is someone he will only have to half-hide from and who will have Tony’s back if something happens.

‘Now,  I believe we both have work to do,’ Thor adds, a bit more grimly. Tony nods.

Nate has a few things he needs to do for S.H.I.E.L.D., since his charity jobs are on hiatus now; everyone has different problems at the moment.

And Thor is leaving tonight with Loki and the Tesseract, so he has enough on his head already.

‘Thanks again, friend,’ Tony says, offering Thor a salute and making him smile amicably.

‘Until next time, _Iron Man,_ ’ Thor replies and disappears into the building.

 

 

The next day Tony finally talks with Pepper and Rhodey. Happy talks with them and says as much as he thinks they should know before the meeting.

It’s more or less this information, just in so many more words: _Tony is okay. I’ve been with him all this time. He wants to meet you. He is – in disguise, of sorts._

Tony can’t make _himself_ call them or even ask JARVIS to do that; every time he _wants_ , every time he _tries_ , he just can’t utter a word because hey, he is a genius and he realizes perfectly well what a terrible thing he’s done to his friends and how it all hurt them, and now he will have to hurt them more, so much more, and he can’t bring himself to do it.

Happy _makes him_ , just like Tony asked. He wouldn’t go far without Happy.

They come over to Nate’s apartment at noon and Tony is so nervous that he almost throws up the little breakfast he’s managed to eat – he is in the middle of radiation, even if it’s easy to forget when all he focuses on is work – and Happy considers tying him down to a chair or something because he keeps pacing around the flat for good two hours. His body literally hurts all over from the internal tension, but it doesn’t stop him.

This is ridiculous and he knows it, but rationality doesn’t help at all.

Between rehearing obsessively what he is going to say, Tony counts the seconds to noon; the clock’s numbers are changing inexorably. The time seems to stretch endlessly, but when noon comes it feels as if not even a minute has passed.

Tony feels so terribly self-conscious when Pepper and Rhodey enter the room, all of sudden aware of how different he looks to them: it’s been half a year and they expect to see Tony Stark, that is only natural, even though Happy told them what it will be like – he knows that they won’t believe until they see him. His skin color is natural today, he left the glasses somewhere and didn’t put the contacts in, but it’s still such a big difference.

It’s been so long that he has actually genuinely forgot – let himself forget and leave behind –what he was like _before_.

‘Tony?’ Pepper asks unsurely as she and Rhodey get the first glance at Tony.

‘Pepper. Rhodey,’ he greets them. His voice is almost not trembling.

‘Tony, it’s – it’s you. Really.’

‘Yeah,’ Tony admits, hanging his head down and waiting for them to scream, to shout, to be angry. Instead, Pepper and Rhodey come up to him slowly and hug him simultaneously so strongly that it leaves Tony breathless.

God, how he’s missed them.

‘Tony,’ Pepper says again, still disbelieving, but at least she is not crying.

‘You little fucker,’ Rhodey says at the same time, shaking his head. That’s perfect Rhodey. ‘You _little fucker_ , I made so many sacrifices for you, I stood up for you so many times, I gave up so much for you, and all because I believed you deserved it – and you do something like _this_? Do you realize that the only proof we had that you were still alive was that your bots were missing.  We knew you wouldn’t leave them – of course, we didn’t think you’d abandon us either.’

‘ _Sorry_ ,’ Tony breathes.

It’s full minute before Pepper bursts into tears and Tony hates himself so much for making her like this.

‘You know,’ she says between sobs, when Tony is wrapping his arm around her back and guiding her to the sofa, ‘half of the world half the world thinks we’re going to find you under the Brooklyn Bride after you drink yourself to death – or maybe in some random place in the Midwest, since I am sure someone is actually checking the Brooklyn Bridge – and the other half has decided that you’ve run away from all responsibilities and that you’re having fun with call-girls somewhere on a private island and I didn’t even have time to really think because you were… Gone. You were gone. You left me with everything and you were gone.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Tony offers weakly, but no amount of apologies can make a difference.

‘I thought you were alive, but I didn’t have a proof and anything could have happened and I wouldn’t know and –’

‘JARVIS would have told you if I died,’ Tony cuts in trying not to sound too teary. ‘He knows all the procedures. But it doesn’t matter now,’ he adds.

‘It doesn’t,’ Pepper repeats and buries her face in his shoulder. ‘You look so different,’ she mumbles almost inaudibly. ‘You _are_ so different.’

‘I have been someone else,’ Tony admits, tensing a bit. He really wants it to be over. Or to never happen. Just – be somewhere else than here.

‘Tell us about it,’ Rhodey orders.

Tony tells them about Nate first because it’s the easiest part of the story.

‘But that is not – it’s not all,’ he finishes. ‘There is more.’

By now they have both calmed, a tiniest bit but it’s something, and Pepper is even wearing a small smile since Tony told them about Riverside. He hates this: giving them answers that they want so much only because they don’t know how much it will hurt. But they need to know everything.

‘It’s been me playing Iron Man since the beginning,’ he finally manages to say.

That leaves them speechless, so Tony takes a deep breath, using the occasion, and decides to do this as quickly as possible.

‘I’ve been doing all of this because I need to make some things right and I don’t have enough time. I’m – I’m ill. I’ve got cancer. It’s terminal.’

God, _how_ he wants to disappear now. Again. Just so that he wouldn’t have to deal with this. He hates himself so fucking much at this point. For disappointing them and ignoring them and letting them believe he was dead – that’s so cruel. And now he is really going to be dead and it’s even more cruel.

But then, he’s always been an egotistical bastard.

‘Tony, is this… for real?’ Pepper asks finally, breaking the silence that makes their heartbeats and breaths sound like thunder.

‘Yes,’ he murmurs.

‘I can’t believe this,’ she whispers, shaking her head slightly.

‘I know. I am sorry.’

‘Sir. Please stop apologizing. I can’t listen to you apologizing anymore,’ JARIS says, making everyone jump a little and startling them completely. ‘You do not have to apologize,’ the A.I. adds. _I would hug you if I could_ , he doesn’t say but Tony hears it anyway.

‘Thanks, J, but –’

‘No, he’s right,’ Rhodey interrupts. ‘Don’t. It’s not your fault.’

‘Maybe not the reason, but everything else –’

‘No, Tony. Don’t,’ Rhodey states firmly. ‘Really, _don’t_.’

‘How long…’ Pepper doesn’t finish the question, but she doesn’t have to.

‘At this point, about two years… A few months more, a few months less, difficult to say. It’s still – it’s not that soon. I still got some time. And before you ask no, they can’t do anything more than they are doing now. I’m – I’m in radiation. It helps, but it doesn’t make it stop.’

‘Oh God,’ Pepper breathes. She’s not crying, what probably is not a good sign now. ‘You –’

‘The nuke,’ Rhodey seems to realize at the same time. ‘You would have died with the nuke without telling us – that’s what JARVIS would have told us, right? All of this? If you died?’

Tony just nods, perfectly aware that he is not able to say anything right now. _Just nod. Everything they are going to ask you will require a yes_ , he tells himself silently.

It takes them some time to wrap their heads around what Tony has just told them and for Tony to calm down enough to be able to talk – behave – quasi normally. They don’t move an inch through all that time and Tony takes in the closeness with all his senses: it’s intoxicating and amazing. It’s one of the greatest things in the world.

Eventually, he tells them more about Iron Man and the Avengers and everything about the cancer and his treatment; it takes hours, but no one complains.

‘I have to make these months that I have left matter,’ Tony tells them finally. ‘I was so scared of telling you. That’s why Happy called. I thought – I was hoping you would forgive me. For this half a year and for all those lies before. It’s been inexpressibly cruel of me, but I – I don’t think I regret it. I hope you won’t hate me for this.’

There. _He did it._

It’s a real weight off Tony’s mind. He’s been running away for so long and this feels like taking responsibility for his actions, at least some of them. The rest he doesn’t care about.

‘I will keep acting as Nate and Iron Man,’ he informs tells them finally; it’s never been a question. Tony Stark is missing and will stay missing. ‘I hope you can accept this.’

‘Of course, I will just… need some time. It’s so much. To think it over,’ Pepper assures him. That’s something he can agree to.

‘I will do _every-fucking-thing_ for you, you dumb brat, as long as you’ll need me, be it months or years and I would even if that meant following your insane self for a hundred years,’ Rhodey tells him, squeezing his arm tightly. Tony smiles at them. They smile back. He really doesn’t deserve such incredible friends.

It will be so much easier now, he knows, to make this time the most amazing ever: with Thor and Steve and the rest of the team, with all the Riverside inhabitants, even if they all are unaware. With Happy and Scott and the doctors.

With Pepper and Rhodey.

They have a city to rebuild – and a world to keep safe.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you very much for reading. I truly hope you enjoyed this part. It was my first time _ever_ writing any kind of action/battle so I'd be especially grateful for any feedback on that :)
> 
> The next piece, _Long may you run_ , will be mostly about the team and *simple* everyday life. And hiding from people who have too many questions, a lot of that :)


End file.
